Hello,I could really use some advice, or just someone to talk to. This is a throwaway account, there are some things I am really ashamed of in here.I am a working mom to two beautiful little girls, ages 6.5 and 3. They are both so sweet, and so nice, and I am so lucky to have them. They are the light of my life, and I love them more than anything.My 6.5 year old is the sweetest, nicest, most generous kid you could ask for. She really, genuinely is. The problem is that she is SO HYPER. She never stops bouncing, climbing, and/or talking. She is extremely social, and getting her to play independently, or even with her sister most of the time, is torturous for everyone involved. As a result I've gotten into a terrible habit of letting her have waaaaaaaaay too much time on her tablet, which I am extremely embarrassed and ashamed of.I work full time and have a health condition that causes fatigue. I'm a software engineer, and I am lucky enough to have an extremely flexible schedule. This means I work from home during their school vacations, and I also do about an hour of work from home each day so I can take her to activities (karate, art class, play dates, trips to the park/pool depending on weather) at least 3-4 days per week, usually closer to 5-6 days per week. She is the kind of kid who has to have her exercise, or else she just spirals out of control.I have tried to explain to her so many times that sometimes mommy has to work, I can sit right here with you, but you need to be playing independently and if you talk to me I will not be able to answer questions.I do not honestly think she is capable of this, especially not talking. She almost NEVER stops talking. There have been times when I have literally begged her, nearly in tears, (and sometimes in tears...) please just be quiet just for a few minutes. I am always so ashamed of myself afterwards and I always apologize to her and try to talk through things, but I'm sure it doesn't make the experience any less heartbreaking for her. I have nearly gotten into a few car accidents because I needed to concentrate while I was changing lanes and I could not get her to stop talking for just a minute. (I do not think this is her fault. It is mine. I should be able to just tune her out when necessary and I can't. I have trouble doing basic tasks like just getting her hair combed when she is talking. ) Like I said above, I have a health condition that causes fatigue, and there are times when I'm tired and in pain and would absolutely sell my soul for 15 minutes to just sit with my kids without the "mommy, mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy will you do this mommy mommy mommy mommy play this". She is so social, and I know this is a genuine need in her. I try my best to fulfill that need in her, and I know I fall so short. I try not to just 'banish' her to another part of our apartment, but sometimes I find myself doing that for just some peace and quiet and I feel terrible about it. I am really not sure that she is capable of being quiet with another human being in the room. Even when she is reading she wants to read out loud and constantly engage in what she thinks about the story. She seems to lack any sort of filter between her internal thoughts and her mouth.Often times when I do play with her, if it is something physical, she just gets so spun up. She will start jumping around, panting like a dog, she starts poking, prodding, grabbing and sometimes biting or licking me. Psychologically I have a very difficult time with anyone grabbing at me. I am very introverted and like my personal space. It makes me immediately shut down and I simply cannot play with her when she is like that. I also have to be extremely careful with her when she gets spun up like this, because she has seriously hurt me before. (Things that would probably not hurt a regular adult, but I have had several abdominal surgeries and have some internal damage. I cannot have her grabbing or putting really any kind of sharp pressure on my abdomen in any way.)Ever since she has been in school every report has started out with 'ChildX is a very active and talkative child'. This is the first year she has not had to have someone to sit with her, away from other kids, to ensure she will actually sit down, stop talking and eat. She tends to be a bit on the underweight side since she is constantly on the move. During literally hundreds of trips to the park, play groups, play dates, etc, I have never, not once, seen a kid who out bounces or out talks her. People constantly comment on how active she is. She is extremely social and talkative, and I have to 'babysit' her behavior quite a bit with her a few of her quieter and more reserved friends. I remember one particular incident where I took her and a friend to the park. They played really hard, and the other one was very tired out. My daughter would not. stop. talking, even after the other child repeatedly asked her to, told she was tired, etc. It got to the point where this kid had tears in her voice, and I had to go into the litany of consequences for continuing to talk and not respecting her friend's need for quiet and space. Initially my daughter had problems in her art class, also because she just would not stop talking. With the help of the teacher and some social role playing this was somewhat resolved, but she still needs a lot of reminders.I find myself getting angry and resentful at her sometimes, even though I genuinely do not think this is her fault or that she is deliberately acting out. I truly honestly believe she cannot help herself. I hate how unfair it is to my younger daughter. I feel like all of my emotional energy gets used up on the older one, arranging activities, ensuring she gets her social needs met, constantly adding structure to her activities and setting boundaries. There just isn't enough me to go around.Take today for example. My older daughter was watching TV. She has the day off from school and I am working from home. Once again I turned a blind eye to the TV because I had to get some things done. My younger daughter was quietly sitting next to me while I was working playing dolls and cars. She asked me to come with her to her playroom, and I thought that would be a nice time for me to take a break, drink some tea, enjoy some quiet play with the little one. The whole time I was stressed out, because I knew that soon the older one would realize I was off my computer and zero in on that. Of course she did, and it was "mommy mommy mommy mommy", with m little one just wandering off because she knew her time was done. I explained to my older one that I was taking a 15 minute break, and that I wanted for her and her sister to have quiet independent play while I just sat with them and drank some tea. She starts whining and "but mommy I want you to play with me please please please" with the jumping up and down. I just snapped at her, I don't even remember what I said, something about I just wanted to hang out with them for a bit and why couldn't she just let me. She was rightfully upset and I'm so ashamed that I snapped at her AGAIN for just wanting to play with me, for not doing a better job of enforcing boundaries, for not planning out the whole day in minute detail so she doesn't get anxious. For not giving my little one the time that she needs. It is so rare for me to just sit down and play with my 3 year old, and it just kills me. As soon as I try my older one starts with "mommy mommy mommy mommy I have a great idea mommy mommy mommy". Last year my older daughter had more activities, which was much better for her behavior, but I constantly felt guilty about the amount of time my younger one was spending in the car. The activities themselves are mostly fine because there are usually other moms and younger siblings hanging around, but I just felt like it was too much for her. She's completely opposite in personality to her sister, very quiet and introverted. She loves to just have someone sit down with her while she plays pretend with toys. I can't remember I was able to sit down and have some quiet play, or really any kind of play, with my younger daughter.I'm just sick of it. I'm sick of everything having to be this big negotiation, with if you do X there will be consequence Y and first do activity Y for X minutes and then we will do activity Z together. I'm sick of my younger daughter not getting even a fraction of the level and attention my older daughter gets.I don't know what to do. I am really truly looking for any advice. I have been looking into mindfulness/meditation kind of things to see if that would help me with my preemptive stress (like today when I knew she wouldn't let me sit and have some quiet time with my younger), snapping, etc. Does anyone know of any good books, articles, programs, etc? Any parenting strategies that would be helpful for me? I am reaching out for absolutely any advice anyone can give me. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2g1ONxW
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