Motherhood just isn't for me

I had my son at the age of 17 , huge mistake right there. I'm now 23 and I find myself losing a bit of my mind everyday ! Not only Was I depressed caring for a newborn alone , years later my son was diagnosed with autism. Everything was already so difficult and things just got more difficult. I feel like I through my whole life away to be a parent and yes I did knew the commitment but had I known that things would have played out the way they did I would have taken it all back. I am so jealous of woman who don't have children, I always think about how my life would Have been without my son. I love him so much and I know I do. I just can't remember the last time I was actually happy, I feel like I have no emotions nothing really puts a smile on my face anymore. My whole life revolves around attending to my son and his schedule. I am a prisoner of my own child, I often think about suicide or running away. I truly feel like I have no purpose of my own in this world outside of him. I seriously salute all the mothers in the world via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2gzXPBJ