Talking to our son about his alcoholic father.

My son is 6 and a half, I met him and his mother when he was 2. I have since married his mother and we have another child.His genetic father (We'll call him Jim) is a violent alcoholic who is currently doing his second stretch in prison for assault. Jim has a wide and very friendly family who are perfectly normal so my son's have 3 sets of grandparents who are all very loving and more aunts, uncles and cousins than he can count. But only grandma stays in contact (she takes him to court appearances or helps whatever hole he's got himself into).Following clear advice from here we told our son I was his adopted father when he was 3. He didn't understand right away but that's the point, it's not some grand revelation where he feels we've lied to him.We told him I am his new daddy and he used to have a different daddy when he was born.He is bright, kind, loving and gentle boy with high functioning Autism.Naturally over the years he began to ask questions which we answered with selective truths."Why did old daddy go away?"Our answer was because he was ill and had to go away. This we felt was true and spared him the details. But it back fired."Will daddy get ill and have to go away too?" We said that I don't have the same sickness so I won't go away."Will old daddy ever get better?" We don't know was our response. This backfired because he told people his old dad was going to get better soon and he was going to see him. So we told him he won't get better for a long time.Then came the question that is the reason I'm here."Do you think he will want to see me? Can I see him?"The last time he saw Jim he was 2 and Jim had just thrown a coffee cup (with hot coffee in) at him which thankfully just missed. He called him a "fucking loser!" And stormed off. Jim is not interested in seeing his son, legally he is not allowed to. Jim's own mother and family have made sure Jim goes nowhere near his son. It's just not going to happen. We do feel that if Jim gets better, seeks the mental help that has been offered to him then we don't mind taking him to see him. But he is nowhere near that place at the moment and showing no signs of improvement, the latest assault being clear evidence.My wife and I told him the following. Unfortunately his Dads illness makes him very dangerous so no one can see him for now. If he gets better we will take him to see him. We both love you very much. He smiled and laughed awkwardly and said OK.If we've played or are playing this wrong I would like to know. /r/parenting can be a very judgemental place which is sort of why I'm here. If there's something wrong with the stories we are telling our son then someone here will be the first to point it out! This is not something we want to get wrong. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2QAp8hb