I hate being a parent. Sometimes, I even feel I hate my kids.

I know I’ll probably get downvoted off the platform for this but I only got on reddit in the first place because I need to vent anonymously and don’t know where else to turn.I never wanted to be a parent. Before my oldest was born, I asked the doctor to tie my tubes. She refused. She said I might want kids when I was older. The following year, I got pregnant. While on birth control AND using a condom. Same doctor asks if I want an abortion. I just said (bitterly) “oh, NOW it’s my body my choice?”I found I wanted my son, who is now 19. As a baby, he was adorable and with him to focus on everything else seemed easier. I found a purpose in him. He cried a lot but he was my first, I was 19 and had never even met a baby. We found a little apartment, got a puppy, watched cartoons, hung out.When I went back to work and he started daycare, it started. He bit a kid so hard in the face he almost bit her nose off. He bit my mom, who spanked him mercilessly. He peed on things, and spread his crap on the walls.By second grade, he’d been kicked out of 9 daycares and 3 schools. He was acting out at home, too. I couldn’t work days because no daycare would take him, so I found a neighbor who could take him overnight and took the only bar job that made me enough tips to pay the rent: doing shooters at a strip club. I hated my life. And I hated that having a kid had done this to me.I met my ex husband and things were better for a while. He was very traditional and didn’t mind having a housewife. He thought it was admirable what I had done to support my child and I got pregnant again, with our “perfect little angel”.We were the perfect family with a disabled child. My son was diagnosed with ADHD, ODD, etc. He was admitted to a residential program that was really helping him and everything was great until, while home on a weekend visit, he was sitting in front of the TV and asked for a cookie (his fourth). I said no. He said “give me a cookie or I’m telling the school you hit me and they’ll make you do what I say!”Later, my two oldest kids told me that’s what CPS workers came in the school and told all the kids “if you don’t like something your parents are doing, or you need them to do something, tell us, and we’ll make them do it”... vague, and assumes kids know the difference between “want” and “need” which mine clearly DO NOT.He did it. CPS kept him at the treatment center and my dad died the same weekend. My mother came and got my son to take him to the funeral. I wasn’t able to go because I couldn’t be near him while they were investigating. Two days later he admitted he’d lied. And got kicked out of the residential program. They sent him home and I had to bus him across town for day treatment. I split from my husband.The perfect daughter was always very quiet. Didn’t say a single word until she was three. And when she finally did speak, she needed speech therapy. The prognosis was that she could talk the whole time but just didn’t feel like it. She was beautiful, kind, and everyone loved her.Except once every couple of months she would launch into screaming fits that could shatter your eardrums and bring CPS to the door or police after neighbors called saying you were killing her.At least twice, they found me curled on the floor with my hands over my ears and a migraine. She’s there screaming with her eyes popping out of her head. I tried talking to her quietly. I tried rocking her but she’d attack if you touched her, and try to run away literally out the door. I’d have to grab her and drag her back in. If she was “scared” of her teacher, she would just walk out the door of the school, and every damned person on earth decided somebody must be abusing her.It didn’t get better as she got older. This kid would start screaming and name calling me at the slightest provocation, and I was constantly getting fired from every job because of calls from one school or another. This one is hiding in the bathroom; that one threw a chair at a teacher. This one is screaming at her classmates; that one was caught looking up porn on the school computer.What kind of piece of shit must I be, amirite?CPS was always shocked to find I didn’t smoke, drink, use any drugs, beat my kids, swear, starve them. The way the little fuckers ACT you’d think I was murdering them every damned night and then resurrecting them in the morning just to tell them what pieces of crap they are and so,New husband, and child number 3. After him, we found out I had a hormone imbalance. All I have to do is stay OFF the pill, and no more kids. So fuck you, and fuck you, all doctors everywhere. I don’t mean that I’m just tired.Child number three has the personality of Wednesday Adams and the hyperactivity of the kid in problem child, gets car sick, and bickers with fucking EVERYONE ALL THE TIME.Everything is no. Everything. This kid is so fucking stubborn....once he refused to eat unless it was peanut butter sandwiches. We tried not to give in. The doctor said don’t give in. He’ll eat eventually. Fucking no. This kid lost THREE pounds before the doctor said to just give him the damned sandwiches three times a day, every day for a month until the little shit agreed to eat something other than peanut butter motherfucking sandwiches. I hate peanut butter. I hate bread...I hate motherhood.You know what else I hate? Those smug child-free motherfuckers who make my life a living hell. “I’m child free by choice hurdee durdee dur!”FEEL LUCKY they gave you a choice!!!My oldest was homeless for a while before going to live with my mom. The middle one refuses to go to school a week worth of days out of every month because “everything” (in her goddamned PRIVATE SCHOOL) is SO bloody hard. This month, when I told her she had to go, she locked herself in her room for 2 days screaming and crying until I called the police to take her to the hospital at which point she sits there like nothing happened talking about she’s scared of me because I might yell at her...Oh for what? Dropping your shit all over the floor when you get home from school? Threatening your brother with death if he touches your stuff? Going into the bathroom after threatening suicide and then saying you’ll call the cops and accuse your father of being a PEDOPHILE if he tries to come in and stop you? Saying you’d rather be on the streets than live with me? Calling me turning off the wifi a major fucking TRAUMA and saying I might as well beat you, it would be less cruel than shutting off the INTERNET? What about any of that wouldn’t make you the best kid ever?!?! Fuck’s sake!Have we tried to get her help? Yes. She refuses to go. Its not HER problem. We DID it TO her! We did evil things like tell her to come downstairs for dinner, shut off the wifi, try to hug her, and ask her to do literally ANY chore including cleaning her own goddamned room.Do you know how awful these kids are? They are the kids whose friends stop hanging out with them because they can’t stand to watch these entitled little snots crap on their parents so much. Her friends beg me to adopt them and at least one (no longer a friend) offered to beat the living shit out of her if she ever saw her talk to her parents that way again.I mean, society doesn’t like my kids. The school doesn’t like my kids. And I LOVE my kids. But i must be shit at parenting because that’s what they say, isn’t it? You must have done something wrong.So okay. I was raised by a violent alcoholic who would easily have killed me to shut me up and did, in fact break my jaw at least twice for just that purpose. I was a straight A student who later went on to get two degrees (while my son was in treatment) and a great job (until they lost it for me).I read every parenting book and took every shred of advice on 1-2-3 magic (1-2-3 bullshit), tough love, natural consequences, and read parenting magazines and listened to professionals, kept my house clean, and organized, and baked cookies for every god damned school event and HATED myself for hating these people who are just....I mean I was a cheerleader. I played 5 different sports. 80% of my wardrobe is pink. My kid just got denied a job I got for her...A SURE THING! Because she was (and I quote) “the most miserable thing the manager had ever seen”I take it back about Wednesday Adams. She smiles more than these kids.My oldest calls me sometimes to talk at me about something he bought himself. He’s 23 and living with my mom and will probably never live independently but at least I can usually make it as far as loving him and even really liking him. My daughter is usually practically my best friend and on her good days (most days) I love watching movies together and doing our nails and chatting. My youngest is a super genius who can program computers without even trying, reads adult length books (only 7) in less than a week, and is very athletic. I LOVE these people. I even like them. Sometimes.But they are destroying my life.But fuck you, doctors and all professionals because your income, mental health, and ability to not be homeless have never relied on the emotional whims of some Little Lord Fauntleroy who truly believes that money grows on trees and you can somehow have a cell phone and a house without making any of the payments.I’m exhausted. My daughter just screamed at me for 5 hours because the wifi is off. I said “uh yeah, that’s what happens when mommy has to work from home and on the one weekend she schedules a business trip you throw some histrionic fit so daddy has to miss 3 days of work to deal with you. We don’t have money because TWO people are too busy managing your shit to WORK.”She screams at me for 5 hours ending with “I’m going to my room and not coming out until you apologize to me for screaming at me and saying everything wrong with your life is MY FAULT AND (insert a bunch more stuff she’s making up that I never said to her)”I didn’t raise my voice above a whisper...and I didn’t say (only heavily implied because its true) that everything wrong with our lives is their fault.I mean, it IS. And I have spent the last 20 plus years asking myself what I must have done to deserve it.... so here’s a warning to avoid my situation!!! If you want to be a “shitty parent” here’s the TL;DR to my vent:How to be the worst mom ever, and have kids with behaviour issues who get kicked out of school and treat you like shit:Tell your kids you love them every day.Bake cookies. Especially when it’s 8:50 am on the day they need them for the entire class.Make sure they each have their own rooms with warm blankets, clean sheets, and shelves full of books.Always read a bedtime story, even if you’re exhausted. Even if you’re sick.Sick with the flu? Vomit in the bucket beside you while doing the dishes. Your teenager “can’t” do them. The boy she likes is dating the girl she doesn’t and it’s super traumatizing!Take care of all the animals they wanted but instantly didn’t care about the minute they got bigger.Sleep only in two hour increments, with a movie on, sitting between the kids so they can’t hit eachother. Thank Jesus for marvel movies and their blissful 3 hour run time.Schedule trips. Buy tickets. Spend thousands because you’re having a good couple of weeks with the kids. Hope you can get your money back when you have to cancel last minute!Schedule family outings and vacations. Spend thousands to hear nothing but bitching. Stop scheduling them. Listen to more bitching about that.Turn 43. Lock yourself in the bathroom. Run a bubble bath. Turn your music waaaayyyy up. They’re probably murdering eachother. I can hear them pounding the door in like fucking changelings from supernatural. This is the only trip I take now. The only vacation I get.TL;DR is TL;DRIf you don’t want kids, don’t let some asshole doctor tell you not to get your tubes tied. You know your genetics and dating potential better than they do. If you are a girl with bad anxiety who only attracts guys with infantile man syndrome, you’re probably going to have kids who will probably just be a drain on you, and the welfare system. Get a second, third, fourth opinion. Get the surgery. Do NOT reproduce.I did it (Dear God) and now I’m telling you: DO NOT. via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2KTbQwv