At what point do we make children deal with the consequences of their choices

So at my daughters (9 and a half ) school they can do well in class and earn punches in a card that they can redeem for rewards. My daughter got enough punches and redeem it to be able to take a toy to school. They send home a little thing to let us know what date it is allowed. So this morning my daughter showed me her card and said she wanted to bring her giant husky dog. This husky is so big she can barely carry it. It’s like human sized. I told her she had to pick something else because it was too big. She had a meltdown about how another kids parents brought his in for him and how the school allowed it. But I told her that she couldn’t because I said so, not the school. She takes the bus in and today was a day I couldn’t bring her in with a giant toy and plus the teachers would have to help her with it all day and itd just be a big pain. Maybe with prior approval from the teachers and on a day I was able to drive her in it would have been ok but , I told her to pick something else. We had about half an hour until the bus came. In which she argued with me about the giant dog the whole time and I said no and said how much time she has left to pick out something else. So five minutes before the bus leave she’s still hasn’t picked anything else out. Give her the final warning. Then when it’s time to go out to the bus she says I need to give her more time to pick something else. I then explained she had a half hour to pick something else and she chose to argue with me instead of pick something else and we needed to go out to the bus. She said she knew what else she wanted to bring when we were half way up the driveway but I told her it was too late, I gave her plenty of chances and she didn’t listen and the bus was about to pull up. Then my husband, against my wishes, ran into the house and got the smaller toy she wanted and brought it to her. He said I was being cruel and she’d remember this forever and be really upset. But that was kind of my point. She made a choice to not listen to my “no” my reasons why and my request to compromise. I mean she’s not 2. She’s almost 10. I know this is a defiant stage but at what point do we have children take responsibility for the choices they are making? My husband and I then argue for ten minutes but calmed down and he said he understood where I was coming from, he’s just a softy and doesn’t like the kids upset. Which I get. I realize this situation is a little trivial in the whole scheme of life and I don’t know how well it will transfer to “the real world” in my children brain. But when I say no my kids usually know I mean it. My husband is the push over and they run to him for everything. I don’t really mind being the mean one but I’ve never felt cruel. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2SADDBK