I could really use some advice on this. I'm at a loss.Background: My husband goes by nickname he was given about 15 years ago by some guys he would hang out with (party buddies) in his early 20s: Columbia. He's Colombian. When we met he introduced himself as this. Everyone he introduced me to called him this.When we got to know each other I found out his name is Antonio. He insisted that Columbia is his middle name and that he hasn't used the name Antonio in over 30 years. I found this to be untrue, his family calls him Tony (as do many older friends) and his birth certificate doesn't have that on it. Regardless. I respect his wishes for what he wants to be called despite the fact that I really like his "first name". He insists everyone call him that name.Before I got pregnant my husband and I would lay around and talk about baby names. Some were silly, but it was fun. He said if he ever had a boy he wanted to name him Columbia. Our second is a boy.Right when we found out the gender, he stuck with the Columbia thing. I said no. That caused a fight. He thought it was selfish that I knew it was important to him and I say no. For months, we danced around the conversation. Anytime I would bring it up he had some excuse for postponing it. I compromised by saying Columbia could be the middle name. We never really had the names nailed down but basically we agreed on Antonio Columbia "Jr."As soon as I went into labor and was admitted to the hospital he was announcing the name Columbia to anyone that asked. He had it written on the birth board and crib card. It was infuriating. I was in labor and didn't want to deal with this. I followed up whatever he said with, "we haven't decided yet." When he came out my husband kept demanding that name. I kept saying no so he left. He went home and dismissed his parents from watching our 6 year old. I was really heartbroken and torn. When he came to pick us up the birth certificate was blank. We sat there bickering back and forth and finally I said here, have your way name him Columbia! My husband must have felt bad and we ended up naming him Antonio Columbia.The first night home I put a picture on Facebook with the name "Tony." My husband flipped out and said he's not going to be called Tony. He hated being called that and wanted it removed and for me to tell my family not to call him Tony. So I call him Ant or Antonio. My family as well as his calls him Antonio. Sometimes he would say something but usually he yells the name Columbia while talking to our son so everyone can hear. Whenever people ask the name he would answer first and say Columbia. It wore me down. I stopped chiming in. I usually call my son baby boy or Buddy. I hate fighting over it.2 years later, my husband got more stubborn and gets angry when people call him Antonio. He will say it's not his name, he's not going to use it, why can't people respect his wishes, and so on. He does NOT care how I feel about it. He doesn't care how our families feel. He says he is going to insist that our son's teachers call him Columbia. I'm dreading the day I enroll my son in school or meet with any teacher.My husband is my best friend, I love him. This is causing a lot of resentment and issues. I probably could have done a better job at asserting myself but this is where I am. I have tried many times to get him to see my point of view and gain some empathy as a parent. Nothing. If I call him Antonio, we fight. If anyone calls him Antonio he bitches to me about it relentlessly. Do I divorce him for this? Am I being irrational at all? He's open to counseling but we have different schedules and going through a tight financial situation so we need to hold off for now.Tldr; my husband wanted to name our son (in my eyes) a ridiculous name. He refused to budge and although it is my son's middle name he insists everyone call him that. Anything else causes fights and anger fits. He doesn't care about my opinion. Other than this he is my best friend. Where do we go from here?I'm going to add that he has always been a stubborn person. There are certain things he's set on and will fight me on. But for big things and decisions we can usually find a compromise. Except this. I have sat him down on multiple occasions and tried to talk about it but he will not budge. When I was pregnant he insisted on the name and was stubborn but we seemed to agree on Antonio. When people asked he would say Antonio Columbia. The minute I was admitted he started with this. I was really upset that he got so angry over "Tony." According to him, he hates the name Tony but likes the name Antonio. He just doesn't use it and neither will our son. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2QahSHE
No comments:
Post a Comment