Discipline for Strong-Willed Kid.

So my wife and i have realized our daughter is very strong-will and independent. My daughter is 4 1/2 years old, her attitude has changed a lot in the last 6 months. More defiance and independent, pouring her own drinks, pulling shoes on, picking outfits, etc. That part has been fun and great to watch her grow into that even if it takes an extra 10mins or makes a mess its worth it to avoid a argument. Lately her temper has been getting worst as well, full on melt downs to the point we are afraid we might get kicked out of our Apt. or the cops called (she is very destructive and screams bloody murder). She hasn't hurt herself or really attempt to hurt one of us. Once she has cooled down 30-45mins its like nothing has happened and shes back to being her sweet self, I can tell that she feels bad by the way she acts and talks but she will still do it next week (meltdowns seem to happened 1 a week or so over the smallest of things 99% of the time from her not getting her way.) At PreK and when she has spend the night for others like a friend and my dads, they all say she is great, she helps clean and cook very soft spoken and polite, i have tuned in on the PreK webcam and watch for a bit and shes is always helping and picking up etc. So i am happy she is respectful for others and behaves well for them. My wife and I are just looking for something to help with the meltdowns that still enforce our rules and boundaries without disrespecting our neighbors by letting her carry on for an hour. Nothing we have tried seems to work at all, spanking makes it worst, timeouts she just refuses or screams louder, ignoring her can last for an hour, taking toys and privileges away does nothing has she just says "i don't care". She is very quick witted and to be blunt a smartass which cause a lot of the power struggles, most time when she refuses to do something she has a well though out idea as to why she shouldn't do it. I can understand why this makes sense in her mind but shes not always capable of seeing the bigger picture or listening to reason most times. I was thinking of doing a behavior chart with rewards for good behavior and doing choirs(that isnt an issue) since she is so competitive and spin it has a game. Any ideas or suggestions from others in the same boat? Thanks via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2uHVS06