Hi there. I have an issue with my 6 year old son and I'm just at the end of my rope. He's been telling people at his school things. For example, he told his kindergarten teacher last year that I don't feed him. What the actual situation was, was that I fed him plenty of food but he refused to eat it unless it was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I refused to make him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for every meal, thinking he would eat the food I gave him if he was hungry, but he wouldn't eat it about half of the time. But he made it sound like I was neglecting him when I wasn't, I was just trying to get nutrients into his body. Another example. He told the school that my girlfriend and I leave him alone. He did not mention that it was for 3 minutes to go grab a load of laundry downstairs, we told him exactly where we were going and he was ok with it, he was engrossed in his iPad, and we came right back. The counselor called me and was under the impression we left him alone for hours, multiple times because of how he presented it. He also told the counselor that he plays violent video games. He made it sound like we were ok with it, not by actually saying it outright but omitting information. What she doesn't know is that he's not allowed to use the iPad anymore because he was playing those violent games behind our backs. He knew he wasn't supposed to be playing violent video games, he'd been caught twice before, but he found ways around it and did it anyway. We've asked him why he doesn't tell the whole story and he says he forgot. He forgot to tell them that he's not allowed to play violent games, he forgot to tell them that I was giving him food, etc. I don't understand. But I've noticed he uses "I forgot" as a way to get out of talking about things he doesn't want to talk about in other situations.I've noticed him doing this with other kids as well. He'd come home and tell me that a girl pushed him or something. I'd ask what happened and it eventually would come out that he had been provoking her before that. But to hear him tell it originally, he was the victim and it was implied that she did it for no reason. I'd say "why'd she do that?" and he'd be like "I don't know." Eventually he'd say something like, he was wrestling with her and she wanted to stop and he wouldn't so she pushed him. This type of thing happened multiple times. This all started in kindergarten.I'm not sure if this is related or not, but I'll include it anyway. He tends to focus on negative things. When he talks about his day, he inevitably talks about something that he didn't like that happened. Specifically, people being mean to him. Almost every day. I can't tell if he's being bullied or if he's acting in a way that causes kids to dislike him or if it's really nothing and if he's making it a bigger deal than he should. He does have a ton of friends so I don't think he's being bullied or that he's one of those kids that rubs everyone the wrong way, although I know he does occasionally do things that pisses girls off. I think it's him focusing on the negative. But apparently he does the same thing when talking with the people at the school. He doesn't tell them about how much fun he had when we decorated for Halloween, or buying the costume he's been wanting for 6 months, and how he wore it for 2 days straight. He doesn't talk about how we watch fun kids shows together or when we go out to eat or do anything fun. He "forgot." So I'm not sure if one of the reasons he's painting us in a bad light is because he focuses on what he perceives as the negative. We've decided to be more consistent about trying to get him to name positive things that happened during the day.This is worrying us because if he keeps saying stuff like this, we're worried that CPS will get involved. The school social worker has already gotten involved and she told him to tell her if he's ever left alone again. I don't know what he'll say anymore. If CPS opens a case against us, due to the nature of my work I'm afraid I could lose my job. My girlfriend also wants to legally adopt him after we get married and we're worried how a CPS case could affect that. Besides the whole CPS thing, this bothers me anyway. I don't like this behavior.We've tried explaining it to him, so many times, that he's not telling the whole story and that it's not honest and it's not nice to us. He "listens," to where he can repeat what we said back to him, but you can see in his eyes and in his responses and behavior that he doesn't really seem to get it. I'll walk him through it and point out the good things that he could focus on but he just doesn't seem to care. What do we do? I don't have a lot of close experience with children so I don't know if this is within the bounds of normal or if something's wrong. We set him up so that he has weekly meetings with the school counselor and we're hoping she can help him because she thinks he's anxious, but we're worried that we might have just shot ourself in the foot. We don't really understand what's going on with him or what to do about it, and we feel like nobody believes us and thinks we're bad parents. Do you guys have any advice? Thanks in advance. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2yCCQsg
No comments:
Post a Comment