Realizing I was wrong about what being a mom was about. Rose colored glasses.

I had a very rosy view of what being a mom was like and it is oh so different from reality. Before we had kids I wanted 3, after having 1, I don't think my sanity or my marriage could handle another.I had a difficult pregnancy, my baby was a bad sleeper and although it has gotten better, he still wakes about twice a night at 8 months to eat. Our doctor said it's ok to let him cry it out but my husband thinks its mean to let him cry for longer than 10 minutes or so. So I relent and nurse the baby, my husband does get up and bring the baby to me to feed though and I appreciate that. I'm getting more sleep now but still feed exhausted all the time.I was certain that I wanted to avoid having childcare for the first year because motherhood was going to be so enjoyable (LOL). I work part time anyway and planned to stretch out my maternity leave and my husband planned to take some paternity and vacation time to make it doable. This was a terrible idea in hindsight. We have no family here therefore not much time away from the baby except at night. Our marriage has suffered greatly. Our part time nanny starts next week and I cannot wait. I hope it ends up being a good fit because if it is, I will have 1 day a week to myself for awhile. I am also eager to have some date nights. We have only had 1 or 2 actual dates where we have been away from the baby since he was born.I feel like I have really lost myself. I used to have hobbies, enjoy life, laugh, house was super organized. Not anymore. My husband loves our baby more than anything in the world and still says this past year was the worst year of his life. I feel angry and resentful of our baby because he demands constant interaction and attention. I used to be so worried about making sure we left him with only the best and most qualified person when the time came to find childcare. Now I sometimes think about leaving him with just anyone. Of course I wouldn't do this but I am so burned out that I am starting to get desperate. It's not the babies fault and I feel bad about it.Does it get better? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2ufc43u