Almost 3 years later, I still strongly dislike parenthood.

I have written this a few times and keep deleting it, but lately I have been slipping into a depression so whatever. I will probably be heavily criticized and delete this anyway. I, like many others, have been suspended from duties (as a 3rd year medical student) and have been home with my kid (almost 3) and husband, who was let go recently, for almost 3 weeks. My kid's daycare was canceled until further notice.I hate being home. I hate dealing with the mundane every day tasks of getting up, making sure they eat breakfast, fighting with them every moment of every hour to do what I ask, etc. I am once again feeling inadequate as a parent and have retreated into a room to study/work on research because I cannot handle my kid 24/7. I am exhausted and having thoughts of running away. Everything where I live is closed so we are stuck inside all day every day with no end in sight. We take our kid hiking occasionally but there have been many people on the trails and it has been hard to follow social distancing protocols. My husband is also at his wits' end and has been picking up my slack.I have a joke of an online curriculum (ie, I am doing nothing essentially) and have already mostly finished studying for an "exam" I am supposed to take next Friday. There is no structure to my day or expectations. I feel like I am in limbo and am miserable.Everyone has said it gets better... Pregnancy was absolutely awful for a multitude of reasons, and I also hated the newborn stage (our kid was colicky and screamed from 7pm-3am every night for 3mos). My husband got a vasectomy because of how traumatic the newborn stage was for us. Parenthood "improved" when I started medical school and wasn't home as often, and my kid went to daycare. Now that I am home again, I am feeling how I felt during the newborn stage: intense anxiety, depressive symptoms, but no thoughts of harming myself/other. I did not have PPD after the birth of my kid but do suffer from anxiety and PTSD. We have family support but everyone is still working and cannot help much.Obligatory I love my kid and they were a planned baby. They amaze me every day with their intelligence and compassion, among other things...but if I could do it all over again, I wouldn't.I am not meant to be a stay at home wife/mother and this is my worst fear realized. I just want to be alone. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2UYJnqS