I am the proud father of two healthy neurotypical boys. My wife is a terrific mother who generally loves being a mom, but this holiday weekend was hard on her.In a nutshell, I am able to relate to the boys on their level a lot more easily than she can. I was raised in America with Transformers, Star Wars, superheroes, etc. Getting on the floor, being silly, and playing, tickling, chasing etc. comes naturally for me. My wife is Eastern European, where parents simply do not do that kind of thing. She wasn't raised with American pop culture, and the things my boys are interested in aren't terribly interesting to her. She will chase them and tickle them, but it's more of a performance for her. So they tend to flock to me.This Thanksgiving, we flew to my mom's house. Without work, we had large swaths of time where the boys were with me. They would follow me around and do what I was doing, snuggle up with me, etc. Sweet but exhausting- at one point (at my wife's suggestion) I begged off to take a nap, and the kids were clearly distraught.It came to a head on the flight back. We were sitting parent-child in two rows for two flights. 4YO had a screaming fit about wanting to sit with me each time, yelling that he didn't want to sit with mommy. It really hurt her feelings and there was a chill in her. I told the 4YO that mommy has feelings, and he should apologize for being mean to her. He just grumped and refused to apologize for hours. At one point he kicked her. When he softened and asked for a hug and kiss, my wife told him that she still loved him, but her feelings were really hurt, and she didn't feel like giving him a hug and kiss. That was her reaction this morning at drop-off, too. She rightfully feels hurt and unappreciated.I want to support my wife, who is a fantastic mom, but is also a person with feelings. I want to deal with my kids in age-appropriate ways. And I want to be more aware of my part in enabling this unfortunate dynamic. Any advice is welcome.(For a little perspective, we are very happily married. I work full-time-plus in a demanding job, and my wife works part time. In a perfect world she would work full-time and I would be a stay-at-home dad (or work part time), but we're not willing to take the financial hit that would entail. 9/10 times she's the one picking them up and dropping them off at day care, so she has significantly more time with them than I do. Her parents live with us and do a lot of typical housekeeping work, but my wife clearly does more domestic labor than I do. Having said that, when I get home, I'm on child care/ child interaction duty until their bedroom doors shut for the night. She's really good about doing fun things with them without me- cafes in the morning, playgrounds and pool visits in the afternoon. My wife is in therapy for anxiety and issues about her self-image. FWIW it's not the case that they run rampant with me and she does all the discipline- I'm the hardliner on most things.) via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2OFnsmQ
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