I have a two-year-old child who is smart, beautiful and healthy and who was very wanted and planned. My husband and I Iove each other and we don't have any existential problems, aside from sometimes having to spend money in unplanned circumstances, but all in all, our life is decent. I don't think I ever had PPD, rather that my kid was a very high needs type of a baby, with minor health issues that came out to be nothing, but they really freaked the shit out of me when she was infant. Still, I don't think I'd be much more relaxed if she were completely issues-fee back in the day, because I barely slept and I totally lost my self to motherhood.I came back to work when she turned 13 months and I think that was the turning point that helped me gain back my identity, somewhat. I love her more than anyone and when she is in a good mood, I am really proud and happy. She is really smart and special and I often look forward to the day when she'd be even more capable of participating in the activities me and my husband like (camping, watching kid friendly movies, going places, cooking together...), but I must admit - I really don't like the unpleasant side of her personality. The strongwillness (is that the word? English is not my native language) is killing me and those godawful cries and tantrums are crushing my soul, especially if I am particularly tired on a given day. I sometimes cannot control myself and briefly scream at her, which really makes her sad and I end up feeling like a piece of crap who doesn't deserve this beautiful child. I feel like I'm failing as a parent 😢Speaking of this - I openly tell all my CF friends to think carefully about whether they want to have kids or not. The ones that are considering the option, of course. I do it because I think it's the fair thing to do, since really - no one in the parenthood realm is completely honest about it. If I had the chance to do it again, I probably would, because I cannot imagine my life without my kid now that I have her, but I'd also tell myself honestly: "You know, for the general level of happiness to stay rather high, having kids will probably not gonna make you any happier. It will make your life different and special in a plethora of ways, but some of those ways you won't really enjoy just because you love your child." I'd tell young(er) me something like that and I tell CF people something like that too. Because I think they deserve to know. Not everyone will love their parenting life and having all the info in advance is beneficial, since what you hear most of the time is "but I like it all because I love my kids" and "but I wouldn't change anything" and "my life is so much more fulfilling right now". Well... it depends on how you define "being fulfilled". After spending the entire day fighting about not being allowed to have ice-cream for lunch, sleeping only ten minutes during the day and waking up more than three times screaming like the house is on fire at night - no, I can't really say I feel fulfilled. And some form of the thought "my God, how things used to be simple some years ago" crosses my mind. So - yeah, people deserve to know that too. It's quite cruel not to tell them about that side of the reality as well.My daugther is two, life got a bit - just a bit - easier than at the beginning, I love her and on the good days, I really love parenting, but even on those days, I think I'm one and done.So there, this was my rant. Do the good days ever start outnumbering the soulcrushingly difficult ones? Because I really thought they do, sooner than...well, whenever - they haven't yet started in my case. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2N6UjAg
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