It's late, i'm sure no one will read this but I need to get this off my chest

I feel like a failure of a mother. My first child had a speech delay. Advanced in everything else so everyone told me it was just because he's a boy and they talk later or some kids are just late talkers.Well now my second is turning 18 months and she is only saying like 5 words. This has to be because I'm doing something wrong. I'm failing them.I feel like such a horrible mother. I'm gone until 6 p.m. every night during the week for work and saturday mornings for school so I can't spend much time with them doing anything.My mother in law watches them during the day but she really just sits and watches tv all day.My 3 1/2 year old calls us names like stupid and says he hates us. He's still refusing to poop in the potty. Hits us and hits his sister. He has no rules or boundaries during the day. I don't want to make it seem like he's out of control because he can be very sweet too but the name calling and defiance is overwhelming.I just wish we could afford daycare or I could stay home with them to give them what they need and I just fucking can't and I hate myself so much for it. I grew up in an abusive house and then foster care and so badly said if I had kids I would make sure they had everything they needed but here I am, and my kids don't have the care they need.Also edit, we did used to have the oldest in Montessori part time until yesterday. He started doing so much better but it slowly became an absolute nightmare getting him to go every morning, to the point where my husband and I could barely get ready ourselves. I couldn't justify living pay check to paycheck for something I need to fight him so hard on but maybe I should? via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2DUZG0Y