My stepson is 4. I’ll start off by saying that he is so far diagnosed with ODD, has a tentative diagnosis of ADHD and another evaluation for that coming within the month (we are fairly certain they’ll offer meds after this eval, it was brought up last time). We also plan to discuss the possibility of him having some sensory processing issues going on. The ODD along with some pretty rough attachment issues are the main things that affect his daily behavior.So, all that being said, I’m just trying to give some background because I’m not so much looking for input on what may be underlying or causing problems. I think we have a pretty good grip on that, and we are about to start family therapy (again), and SS is currently in speech therapy.I am looking for advice on how to handle this particular issue: he cries nonstop. Seriously, from morning to night, if he can’t do exactly what he wants to be doing exactly when he wants to be doing it, he sobs, and makes the most unpleasant faces. He looks at us as if we’re beating him or like we’re the worst people ever for telling him to chew with his mouth closed.I can try to approach him in the calmest and sweetest of ways, to try to ask him to pick up a toy or remind him to go potty, and he will throw his head back and wail. Sometimes he can manage tears but others he is clearly just forcing the noises out and making faces. Plenty of times, he goes on and on until he realizes we aren’t giving in, and then he starts the gagging and trying to make himself throw up.It has become constant and relentless, and it’s driving us crazy. I have never known a child that will cry when you say, “go play.” He cries while he eats, he cries through bedtime, we can’t look at him without him crying.His BM’s fiancé has expressed the same frustration, thankfully because we can’t always rely on the BM not to cover things up to make us feel like SS just hates being at our place.I’m so sick of it though, and so is my husband. It’s been going on for a few months now, and admittedly is better than the screaming tantrums he used to have at the drop of a hat (those still happen fairly often, the crying has just beat them out at this point).We have considered he was frustrated with thinking we couldn’t understand him, so we’ve made an effort to let him know that “yes SS, we know that you don’t want to pick your toys up, we understand.” Or whatever else he’s crying about. We’ve tried the whole “matching his emotions” approach, to no avail.It’s gotten to the point where we’re so overwhelmed with it that he goes to time out if he starts crying immediately after being asked to do something. The speech delays make it very hard to negotiate with him, so there’s not much possibility of us bargaining and all that, at least not if the crying has already started. So now for the last couple of weeks, if we say “Go get your shoes so we can go.” Or whatever, and he starts sobbing, it’s instant time out.I don’t think that’s the right solution but so far that’s the only thing that seems to phase him.Help?Edit: also, positive reinforcement has always been tricky with him. Offering an incentive often backfires because he won’t earn it and then has a massive meltdown. So far when we’ve tried the, “Okay, if you can make it through lunch with no crying, we can go to the park afterward!” And then he cries, and then loses his mind and won’t leave the window pointing and saying he wants to go. Or ya know, whatever the reward was, he’ll remain fixated on it without attempting to actually earn it. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2M0cNyl
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