I'm really sorry if I'm posting too much- please let me know if you know of somewhere I else I ought to be posting. I knew Easter was going to be difficult, with it being Millie's favorite holiday and her funeral the day before, but I had no idea how truly terrible it was going to be. My parents left me the house to myself, and I just can't stomach being alone. Writing about Millie has made me feel so much more connected to her, and I just wanted to talk about Easter with her.Millie loved Easter, especially egg dyeing. To her, it was an art. She always wanted to keep them, so we'd blow out the egg insides and have a million poached eggs. Millie would draw on them with crayon, or wrap the eggs in tape or rubberbands. It was so fun to watch her do it, she'd have her hands all in the cups of dye, trying to make the perfect patterns. We'd have to put tarp down on the floor, because she'd get so involved she wouldn't watch herself. And her elbows would be everywhere, so we'd end up with 3 or 4 cups of dye on the floor by the end of it all. When we moved, Millie threw all the old eggs out, but I kept a few. There's one she made when she was 7, I think. She colored on it with the crayon, so it says "I love Mommy" and she dyed it green for me, since that was my favorite color. I've been carrying it around with me today. There's another one, she drew polka dots on it and made it half-blue and half-purple. That one was from when she was 12. It just really captured Millie's spirit. She'd held it in the dye so long her arm was getting sore, but she didn't want to let go, in case the color got all over it. We stayed up so late that Easter, trying to get the eggs just right.She never had that much of a sweet tooth, but I think Easter was the exception. Millie hated chocolate, so I'd make her an Easter basket of lollipops and taffy. The only kind she liked was white chocolate, so there'd be some in there for her. When she was little, Millie would forget she didn't like milk chocolate, so my mother-in-law would give her some, and she'd start chewing it. Then, when she realized she didn't like it she'd stick out her tongue and just sit there with the most disgusted look on her face. Millie's tastes were always so particular, but she'd forget about them. I think she was the only 5 year old in the world that was an adventurous eater, even if she got picky once she realized what she was eating. Every Easter, she'd forget how much she hated ham and insist that she needed some on her plate. And my ex would tell her to finish everything on her plate, so she'd stab a slice with her fork and nibble at the edges all disgusted, like it was some sort of ham lollipop.And she got so sick of the Easter egg hunt my mother-in-law would make her do. We'd dress her up in a cute little dress and take her to my ex's parent's house. Then, my MIL would tell Millie to go look for eggs with her cousins and she would just stomp around the yard, so sick of it. My MIL would tell Millie to cheer up, and tell us how she had an attitude, but we weren't going to stop her. If Millie hated something, then she hated it. And Millie would get bored and sit in the grass and get dirt all over her dress, so eventually we just started to dress her in darker colors. All her cousins would tell her she was missing out, and she'd roar at them like a dinosaur. Millie loved dinosaurs. She had a bad attitude all day one Easter when she was 8, because my MIL was driving us all up a wall. My FIL had a big collection of movies, and he decided to let Millie watch Jurassic Park for the first time, to settle her down. It was tradition after that. Every Easter, we'd get together and watch Jurassic Park and she would love it. We had a problem where she would chase her little cousins around the house, roaring at them and playing t-rex. I watched it today, when I really missed Mill. And I could just hear her screaming when the T-rex attacks the kids, yelling at Nedry. I just held that green egg and tried to hear her a little better. She used to have a crush on Grant, then she had a thing for Malcolm. And then, there was this huge admiration for Sattler. Millie told me she wanted to be a paleontologist when she grew up, then she flip-flopped some more. But, she still loved it and I loved it too.I feel like I'm getting a bit rambling, so I'll cut it short. It was just good to talk. I'm sorry, again, to always be saying something. Millie was so much of my life, and as much as I hate to admit it, I'm struggling to exist without my baby. Thank you all for having such open arms for me in this horrible, awful time. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2EcxALa
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