I broke up with my daughter’s (Dawn, 8) father (John) 3 years ago, but he was not financially able to move out on his own. I agreed to continue living with him as roommates (we moved into a three bedroom house so that we each had our own room/space), so that he could get a better job and save money. I was also hoping this would make the transition easier for my daughter, since she could still live with both parents. Eventually, I came to the realization that I could no longer live with him. He paid almost nothing for those 3 years, he made little to no attempt to get a better job or even more hours (he was only working part-time). He didn’t help around the house (tried everything – tons of discussions, leaving lists, having a chore chart, leaving things until they were unlivable – nothing helped).Six months before the lease was up, I sat him down and told him I was not renewing the lease with him on it. My boyfriend (Mark) and I had been dating for over 2 years at this point (it would be 2 ½ by the time my lease was up) – and I wanted to move in with him. He’s an amazing person who loves me and my daughter and treats us wonderfully. My daughter loves him too and was excited to live with him. I thought this was lots of time for my ex to find another place, and he even told me that he was looking.Two months before the lease was up, he still hadn’t signed a new lease anywhere. Around that time, our daughter began starting fights with him all the time. She was angry that her family would no longer be living together and was taking the anger out on him since he was the one moving out. I found a therapist through her school and booked an appointment so that she could get help working through her feelings in a healthy way. John came with us to the appointment, but when Dawn was in with the therapist, he started saying that this was all my fault that she even needed therapy, that I was breaking up the family, that I was selfish for not being happy in the relationship or as roommates and that if I really loved her, I would get back together with him. I was shocked, we’d been broken up for a long time at this point, and he had made no efforts to fix any of the issues that led to our breakup in the first place. On top of that, he had known about Mark from the beginning, so why would he think I’d break up with Mark to get back with him? Anyways, I told him that wasn’t happening, and that he did need to move out in two months. So he tells me if I don’t get back together with him, he is moving in with his family who live across the country from where we live. I tell him that’s his choice.When our lease is up, sure enough, he buys a plane ticket and moves across the country to live with his family rent free. Dawn tells me this is the “death of her family”.Mark moves in with me and Dawn, and I’m happier than I’ve ever been. He spends so much time with Dawn (whereas her dad would play video games or watch TV and ignore her) – he helps out around the house without me asking (which takes a huge amount of stress off of me) – he’s just thoughtful and kind and it’s wonderful, and Dawn has told me and him more than once that she loves living with him. Dawn continued therapy for a few months until the therapist decided she was ok to not continue.But… she misses her dad. She tells me that she wishes he would move back home and that he could live with me, her, and Mark. John and I never fought in front of her – rarely even yelled at each other in front of her – so in her mind, everyone was happy when we were living together. I hid from her how unhappy, unloved, and lonely I felt when I was with her dad. She obviously doesn’t know that having him live with me was a huge financial and emotional drain. I don’t want to tell her any of that. I don’t want to tell her anything negative about her dad, because mine and his relationship shouldn’t interfere with theirs.She’s visiting John right now since it’s summer and it’s the first time they’ve seen each other in five months. When she calls she asks why I don’t get back together with him, and why he can’t just come live with us again. When I talk to her on the phone she asks if I want her to give him a hug and kiss from me. When she throws coins in fountains, she always makes a wish that he and I will get back together and she’ll get her family back. She doesn’t understand the reasons we broke up, and thinks we’ll all be happier together.TL/DR: daughter wants me and her dad to get back together, but it isn’t going to happen. How can I convince her of that without explaining the reasons we broke up? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2vsjB3r
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