Original post here.We talked some this weekend. It was a very productive conversation. She understands perfectly the circumstances that led to her being sent to live with her father and she bears absolutely no ill will toward me for that. She appreciates the advantages and opportunities she has been afforded as a result of living with her father, who is absolutely unencumbered by debt or financial responsibilities of any kind. She thinks it's weird that he never moved on and that they still live with her grandparents, but in all, she's very happy where she is.Her distance at her awards ceremony was because my mother was my "date." She said, "I hate how she's suddenly all about being super-grandma when she's never been that way before." We had a VERY long talk about how she resents my mother for helping my younger brothers numerous times over the years (bailing them out of jail repeatedly and eventually RENTING THEM AN APARTMENT), when I was given two weeks to get back on my feet after losing everything I owned (and the job loss was because my company eliminated my position after seven completely blissful years in their employ, NOT because I failed to "keep a job," as a commenter suggested). L said, "What were you supposed to do in two weeks?" She is very cordial toward my mother and says she loves her, but she doesn't like her very much. I've been spending a lot more time with my mother over the past few years (she's been dealing with some rough stuff) and L is uncomfortable with having to pretend she likes her.The next part hurt me quite a bit, as it is something I can't really do anything about.L's grandmother and father are devout Christians. L is (and all of her friends are) also very active in her church, which is something I have ALWAYS supported. I, however, do not share those beliefs. Before this becomes a takedown of my lack of spirituality, I'm not the kind of atheist who feels she has some moral obligation to denounce religion or those who follow one. I'm very much of the live-and-let-live school of thought. If it makes sense to you, if it brings you peace and happiness, I'm all for it. I'm not some amoral hedonist who has drunken orgies or one who has built a shrine to Darwin, Dawkins, and Hitchens, and I don't wear my atheism on my sleeve (bad, bad idea in the Bible Belt). But when pushed into a corner, I will admit that no, I do not believe in any god. I spent twenty years in the church before I even understood what I believed, and I've been a thousand times more comfortable acknowledging it and being truthful with myself. L is extremely uncomfortable with the fact that I don't believe. She broke down and said she prays for me every night, but it's hard to know that someone you love is going to hell when they die. I was completely taken aback by this and couldn't really say anything besides, "I understand, and it must be hard for you to feel that way." That was probably the wrong response, and I would be lying if I said that I hadn't considered whether I could pull off a religious experience just to alleviate this discomfort for her and have her near me again.I told her that I wouldn't press, that I was sorry for everything that happened that put us apart, and that if I could wave a magic wand and make it different, I would do it in a heartbeat, if I could do it and still have the same amazing young woman as my daughter. I told her I was so appreciative of her father and grandmother for everything they've done for her and that I credit them for her turning out as wonderfully as she has. She said, "I tell you things I can't tell them." And it's true -- they're extremely conservative, and while she's a very chaste young woman, she is pretty open with me about stirrings and the like. It's always going to squick me out that my kid is dealing with that, but I don't show it. We talk about things in a very rational manner and she knows that if she ever feels like she needs to take things to the next level, I'm in her corner to give advice.Anyway, I'd like to thank you all for your advice. I do need to do a better job of not getting my feelings hurt when she's just doing normal teenager stuff, but I am also very glad to know what's been on her mind. Now I just have to figure out how to deal with it.Cheers. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2oExuVM
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