I aborted a baby I didnt plan for.I started seeing an old flame a few years ago. We had always had a connection between us that neither of us ever had with anyone else. We were together when we were both teenagers and ended up getting back together again as adults.It was amazing for the first couple of months, we were so in love and felt like our souls were meant for each other. He wanted children, but I didnt, not yet anyway (I had an 8 year old already in which I brought up alone)...and I was adamant on this.Our sex life was great, but a couple times he would get quite forceful and would hurt me. I asked him to stop whenever this happened and he always would. Once though, he just carried on, wouldnt stop and hurt me quite bad physically and mentally. Anyway, I found out I was pregnant a couple weeks later. He was over the moon, I was devastated. He told me that he had intentionally been ejaculating inside me without me knowing, hoping to get me pregnant. This upset me so much, how dare he use my body for something like that without my consent?I (stupidly) forgave him and came to terms with the thought I'd be having a baby, and eventually started getting quite excited about the idea. I bought clothes, told my family, came up with names etc. After a couple weeks, he started becoming controlling and aggressive towards me. He accused me of being on drugs because I was 'showing signs' of drug use. He started beating our dog, drinking heavily and was taking cocaine without me knowing. He would scare the hell out of my son by shouting and throwing things around the house.By this time I was almost 3 months pregnant. I was miserable, terrified of him and scared for mine, my son and our unborn babys future. I chose to break up with him. He went BIZERK. He tried to crash his van after drinking a bottle of vodka and driving like an idiot away from the house. He accused me of cheating and said the reason I was leaving was that the baby wasnt his. He told our entire friendship circle that I was a cheat and a druggy.I made the extremely difficult decision to abort the baby. I could not be connected to this man for the rest if my life. He basically raped me to have his baby. His family hated me because of who he had made me out to be.I called the hospital and they refused because of how far along I was. I called another hospital and they refused. I called my hospital back and they agreed after I sobbed and begged.The abortion was horrendous. I did it alone. No one with me and terrified of seeing it. I gave birth to her on the floor all alone. The little girl I'd always wanted. But I was numb. I felt nothing. I didnt cry, I didnt mourn. I just called the nurse and fell asleep.Now the pain has hit me. This may I would have been celebrating her 2nd birthday. My beautiful little girl. My sons baby sister.I am in a relationship with the most amazing man alive now. We are planning children and marriage very soon. I havent told him this story because I've never been able to talk about it. I'm scared to tell him and I'm not sure why. He will understand and be so supportive, but I am just scared to tell the story. And even how to tell it. I miss my baby and wish that whole situation never happened at all.TLDR; Had an abortion at 12 weeks after an emotionally abusive relationship 3 years ago. Havent mourned for her until now. Its hit me hard.EDIT; For those of you sending me messages calling me a murderer. Keep those comments to yourself. They will be deleted before they're even read. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2ROmwy3
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