Throwaway acct for anonymity. My 8 year old son finally told me for the first time tonight in depth today how fucking mean his dad is to him. That hes scared of him. He yells at him all of the time. He hits him (open-handed). He's thrown him onto his bed. His grandpa has had to intervene a few times to get his dad to calm down. That he doesn't want to go to his dad's house anymore, which hes been telling me for MONTHS. His dad has even talked with my son about not going to talk to a counselor because they don't need to be intervening in his life. My son told me today "I don't want them all up in my business" and when I asked who taught him that (I fully love and support therapy), he said his dad. My son is court-ordered to do therapy due to his behavior lately. My older son who's 9 is apparently the favorite and is treated completely different than my youngest so hes not experiencing any of this. Their dad takes my youngest son to the other room away from my oldest when he is "disciplining" him, but my oldest can still hear his dad and my youngest screaming but doesn't know what's going on or sees anything.I knew that my kids dad was a POS because he used to abuse me and was extremely controlling. And not just hit me, but the psychological damage was so bad, that finally after 10 years I am on the path of healing thanks to therapy. He has since got clean and we have been trying to work together within the last year after years of fighting, so I was hopeful a new leaf was turned. I really gave a solid chance because I felt that if he was clean, then the behaviors and mind set he had would change as well. I'm distraught to see this starting to happen to my youngest, like he switched his negative attention to him now. Since he's done this same bullshit to me, I have to believe my son.This all came up because my son got in a lot of trouble at his dad's house and his dad was telling me that this is the most disrespectful he has ever seen him, that he is a bully, he needs to be dealt with and I need to have his back no matter what, that the reason he is acting up is because we aren't a united front and aren't coparenting, when I've been making it a point to be a united front and coparent with him for the last year. He made it seem like my son did something really fucked up! Turns out he threw a ball at his brother because his brother called him an idiot. That is what he did thatMy son has been having a lot of behavioral issues in school and in sports this past year and has been acting out, when he was never like that before. Shoot, he's hardly like that when he is with me, although he has his moments. So when I picked him up from his dad, I took him on a one on one dinner date to just talk about his feelings, talk about what had happened that day, pinpoint what he is so stressed out and angry about so we can fix it. It was a punishment-free zone, we were there to talk about our feelings so we could start helping him heal and move on. Then he goes off about all of this stuff about his dad and how he doesn't want to be there anymore. That hes so much meaner than I am and it scares him, which is fucked up because I've gone to town on that kid before. Now I know why and I can't believe I didn't see it before...My kids dad told me today that the kids don't need counseling and medication, "they need punishment and persistence". My oldest has adhd and I got him medicated last school year, as well as a 504 plan, and he has weekly meetings with the school guidance counselor to talk about regulating his emotions, and it changed his whole world for the better. Now he's favored by his dad and his dad is totally convinced he "matured" and it has nothing to do with his daily medication. Children need love, compassion, understanding, open communication, and forgiveness. I'll do whatever it takes to help my kids, and now I need to help my youngest.I tried to make him feel better by telling him that at least he will be with me for a week before he has to be with his dad again and he immediately threw his hands down. He doesn't want to be there with him anymore. He has tears in his eyes when he goes with with his dad. He always groans "why do I have to be there so much?!". Right now I have 100% physical/legal custody but we've been in an over year long custody battle because he wants 50/50 and I am highly against it based on our history. He has a temp visitation schedule of every other weekend and one overnight during the week. I have a lawyer and he does too, as of recently.Today I felt it was time, and necessary, to explain to him that the has to go over there because there is a judge who said what days we each have the boys and that it's a court order he has to go with his dad. I can go to jail if we don't follow the order and that if it was up to me, I'd have them all day, everyday, 24/7/365. My son understood. I just didn't want him to think I'm allowing him to be with his dad that he has grown to despise. I also spoke with my therapist about explaining it to him just like that and she approved. I am trying to be very weary of how I speak about their father around them.Tomorrow I'm going to be calling a counselor and setting him up with the first appointment that I can get him to. I will also need to contact my lawyer to let him know what is going on because I am pretty sure the therapist will need to report this. I told my son that he needs to tell the counselor everything he told me today. That his safety and emotional well-being is the most important thing. That his dad is has the wrong impression about therapy and the counselors will do nothing but help him. They'll talk to him about what's going on in his life, about his problems, they'll help him figure out coping mechanisms, and it's all good things. He said hes ready to talk to a counselor. Today is my birthday by the way. Happy fucking birthday to me.I just needed to write this out and vent because I can't sleep at all... My thoughts and emotions are running wild and I haven't talked to anyone yet about this. I'm just so sad for my kid and that he wants nothing to do with his dad anymore. This is going to open a huge can of worms and I am scared. If anyone has any support or advice to give me about this, I would greatly appreciate it. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2ZscJz4
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