Hi r/parenting- it's 4 am and I can't sleep. I'm worried sick about something that happened to my daughter at camp last week. I am a long time lurker on this sub, and I've always found this community to be so helpful and supportive, and now I'm reaching out because I really would appreciated some advice on the situation we are dealing with over here.Here's the story: My daughter (6) and son (almost 3) are signed up for a summer camp, it is their first year at the camp. My husband and I both work, so this camp is providing the childcare we need while school is out for the summer. This camp has come highly recommended, we know multiple other families that send their kids there, and they really seem to have awesome activities for the kids. The typical camp day is 9-3 and then there is an aftercare program from 3- 6. In the aftercare program, all the kids are together in the gymnasium and are allowed to do free play until their parents pick them up. I usually pick my kids up by 4:30, so they spend about an hour in the gym playing before I get them.Last week, I arrived at the camp to get my kids as usual. When you walk into the gym area, first you are in a little vestibule/hallway and then the gym doors are right there across the hallway. Well, last week I walk in and My Daughter (MD) and an older boy are alone in the hallway together, off to my left. Honestly, I think I was reading my phone when I walked into the building, so I really only saw them out of the corner of my eye. As soon as I walked in, MD ran over to me and had this wide-eyed look on her face- the face she always makes when I've caught her doing something she's not supposed to. I asked them what they were doing in the hallway, and the boy told me hurriedly that "we were just getting a drink! We were just getting a drink!" The second I laid eyes on this kid, I got a sense that he was off.... You know the vibe, just not a regular kid. I went and got my son from the gym, signed my kids out, and left with them. As soon as we got in the car, I asked my daughter "who was that boy?" She said "I dunno." I asked "Is he your friend?" and she said "yeah..." and I could tell she didn't really want to talk about it. I asked "is everything ok?" She said "yeah." I didn't press any further at that point, but I had a weird vibe about the whole thing.Yesterday (Monday) we are on our way to summer camp, about 2 minutes away and MD says quietly "Mom, I'm nervous about going to camp." Let me pause here to tell you, this is very unlike MD. She is the sort of kid that absolutely loves to go to camp, or any activity really. She's not shy, and just is so excited to go play, so when she said this, right away I knew something was up. I turned around in the car and said "Honey, why don't you want to go to camp?" MD says "Mom, remember that boy you saw me with last week?" Right away my heart is in my stomach, because I know exactly what boy she is talking about. She proceeds to tell us (her father was in the car too) that The Boy (TB) asked her if she wants to be his girlfriend and kissed her on the lips. She told me she was scared and that she didn't want to be his girlfriend, but that she wanted to go to summer camp. Of course all this is happening as we are rolling up to the camp. I asked her if anything else happened, and she said no. I didn't have time to get the details at that point, so we made the split second decision to still go to camp that day, because MD still really wanted to go.I told MD that I was proud of her for telling us what happened and that I would make sure that it didn't happen again. I took MD into the camp and asked to speak to the director. The director, Jeff, was obviously extremely concerned with what happened. We talked at length about what transpired. We agreed that they would question TB and find out what went down, as well as discuss with his parents immediately. They would then reconvene with us and we would go from there. Jeff said, if TB admits to it, we are going to kick him out of camp, because it's just unacceptable behavior from a boy his age. TB is 13 years old, one of the oldest campers at the camp.After Jeff questioned TB and spoke to his parents he called me back to fill me in. TB, of course, denied that anything happened.I found out TB is 13 years old, just finished 8th grade and is on his way to high school in the fall. He has been at the camp for a few years and has always been odd.. He does not make friends in his own age group easily so will resort to playing with younger children, especially in the aftercare program when all the kids are together. He has a lot of issues during the regular school year with being bullied so camp is his "happy place." Jeff told me that TB's parents were devastated and assured me they were doing everything they could to address this with their son. Jeff told me the ball was in my court, if we insisted that we didn't want TB back at the camp, they would throw him out. Jeff reassured me that all their staff would be retrained and that new policies/procedures would be put in place so that children are never alone in the hallway again. I told Jeff that I wanted to discuss further with MD and find out some more details and to discuss with my husband.I was pacing the floor counting the seconds until I could pick MD up from camp. Like I said earlier, she told us literally a minute away from camp, so I had no details about what transpired. I was (am) beside myself with worry and wanted to get the full scoop on what happened.I got MD and her brother from camp. The second she hops in the car she tells me "Mom! Guess what? TB wasn't even at camp today! I didn't even have to worry about him!" She then proceeds to tell me all the fun stuff she did- swimming, games etc. I get them home and set her brother up playing in the sandbox, and she and I sat on our swing set. I told her again how proud of her that she told us about what happened with TB. I told her that she was not in trouble at all, and that the reason TB was not at camp today is because he is in trouble for kissing her. I explained to her that older teenagers often have boyfriends or girlfriends and kiss and whatnot, but she is far too young for that and that TB was wrong to try that with her. I explained that I spoke with the camp, and TB would never be bothering her again. She said she was relieved about that. I told her that she needs to tell me exactly what happened- what they were doing before the hallway, why did they go out there, etc. MD told me that TB came up to her in the gym. He asked what grade she was in and she told him kindergarten. He told her he was in 3rd grade. He then told her to go in the hallway with him. As soon as they went out there, he kissed her on the lips. Then he told her it was a secret and that she shouldn't tell anyone about it. MD said at that moment, I walked in the building and they ran over to me.That's pretty much it. I had a long conversation with MD about good touching vs bad touching and that if anyone ever makes her feel scared or nervous she should come to me immediately. I reassured her that the camp would make sure that nothing like this every happened again. MD seemed fine with this and was her usual awesome self for the rest of the night.We've spoken to Jeff again last night- we told him that we didn't want to make the decision for them if TB would be kicked out or not- they are the ones that know TB and they are also the ones responsible for all the children's safely. One one hand, I feel really bad for TB, knowing his history and social issues. On the other hand, I fiercely want to protect my daughter.Jeff has decided that TB will miss the rest of this week. Starting next week, he can return to camp, but will not be allowed in the aftercare program, which is really his main time to interact with younger children (the camp is pretty regimented during the day, and kids are grouped with their own age group.) He reassured us once again that all the staff would be retrained and alerted about this, and nothing like this would ever happen again.I am beating myself up like you would not believe. Why didn't I question her further that day when I found them in the hall? Am I the biggest idiot? Should I not trust this camp with my kids?What would you do in this situation? To me, TB has exhibited some predatory-type behavior here. A lot of what MD told me TB did are classic red flags. The fact that he lied and said he was in 3rd grade to gain her trust and then instigated getting her into the hallway, followed by insisting that it was a secret... it's pretty disturbing behavior. That being said, I don't think anything more than a kiss transpired- thank God I walked in when I did. I'm thinking this may be a good thing because his parents are now alerted to this behavior and can intervene. On the other hand, what if he tries something like this again? I don't want anyone to ever experience the hell we have gone through in the last 2 days, and I would be beside myself if I found out he did this to another child.What would you do in this situation? Insist that TB not be allowed at camp? Should I enroll my daughter in therapy? Any advice would be appreciated. via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2FvJPpY
No comments:
Post a Comment