I regret becoming a mother. There I said it. & I feel so guilty for this

I love my child more than ANYTHING & only want the best for my child. I try my best to do everything I can for his development & learning. But seriously, I HATE the responsibility. & not just like ugh it’s annoying sometimes, I mean, if I didn’t have so much help from my child’s father & both our families, I could not do it. My baby is so well taken care of & loves by many he’s spoiled if you wanna call it. So— I got an abortion in the past & deeply regretted it. So when I got pregnant again I knew I was having this baby. I wasn’t in a stable position in my life but still managed to get enrolled in & then graduate college, & get a job in my career field that I mostly love— all “for the baby” I wanted to be the best mom I could be.I had always told people before my pregnancy I never wanted kids, & deep down I always wanted to be pregnant just to experience it. After the abortion I changed my view, or so I thought until it was too late.I gained over 50 pounds, got stretch marks, tore & generally hated being pregnant other than my mental health improving significantly I assume from the hormones idk.Upon giving birth my mental health problems along with severe PPD/PPA came back in full force & have gradually gotten worse over the 2 years since having my baby. Given that, I believe I’d love it if I could afford a nanny, could drive by myself & had a friend or 2. But ya know, I’m broke with no friends & live in a pretty rural area nowhere to really go plus no public transportation & I only make like $10,000 a year since I’m just starting out in my field & have an odd availability schedule.I’ve never wanted to hurt my child but I know I could have been a way better parent. I find myself impatient & anxious for nap times & bed time. I get so relieved when someone watches my baby so I’m able to do cleaning or absolutely nothing. I don’t cook. I like hate playing with my kid, it’s super boring & exhausting to me. I feel like I never have enough time/energy/motivation/want to get ahead in life & be a proper mother/role model. I’m so selfish I do not deserve a child. Now I’m stuck & there’s no going back. via /r/Parenting http://bit.ly/2LINfHG