My son is 26 yrs old. He’s a recovering alcoholic. He’s been sober for 3 years. He started drinking heavily when he turned 18 and went away to university. We had no idea about his alcoholism until he graduated and started working – he did a very good job of hiding it from the people closest to him. When I look back in retrospect, I can see the little signs that pointed to his addiction – but at the time, I just didn’t see it. I blame myself for that. Sometimes I still cry when I think about how he went through that on his own, for so long.However, that didn’t last forever. As with any addiction, it catches up to you. It eventually caught up to my son when he was 22. When my ex-husband and I found out, we were absolutely shell-shocked. Finding out our son was an alcoholic was as inconceivable as a dinosaur suddenly popping up in front of your house.After we found out, my son moved in with me. He began therapy and we also sent him to an inpatient, 3 month rehab program. That’s where he met his fiancée – at rehab. She’s also an alcoholic. They are both the same age and they connected during their 3 months in the program.After being released, they didn’t get into an intimate relationship for over a year. They were taught that during that first year of sobriety, relationships are a no-go zone and so they avoided that. But they did stay in contact with one another as friends and as sources of support. After a year, their relationship blossomed into something more. They got engaged last month. They are so happy together and I’m thrilled for the both of them. I love my future daughter in law – she’s a wonderful woman.My ex husband, however, isn’t happy. He doesn’t approve on the grounds that he thinks two recovering addicts are “doomed to fail.” Throughout the two years our son and his partner have been together, he’s been telling him that he should ditch his partner and “find himself a sober girl” (they’ve both been sober for 3 years). When my ex found out our son had proposed, he called me, raging, and then our son, raging as well. As a result, the relationship between my ex and our son is at an all-time low. It’s gotten to so bad my son told me last week that doesn’t want his father at the wedding next year. They are not talking.I’ve spoken to my ex and told him he needs to let go. His son is a man and he is entitled to love the woman he wants. One of the reasons my husband and I divorced is because I find him too controlling. I told him to let our son live his life and I reminded him that WE are the reason our son turned to alcohol.When he was at school, our son always did very well – particularly excelled in maths and science. He ended up getting a scholarship to a very good university and studied engineering. But that was never his passion – he excelled in those subjects but he never had any love for them, or much cared for any career they might lead to. His real passion is artistic (photography and cinematography).He initially wanted to pursue photography and cinematography but my husband and I passionately advised against it. We live in the UK but we’re originally from Nigeria. We came here when I was pregnant with my son. Traditionally, African families want their kids to go to uni to study courses such as law, medicine, engineering, etc. So when our son was a teenager and he said he didn’t want to do engineering and wanted to pursue something more artistic, we didn’t take him seriously. We thought it was a “phase.” This is a crucial mistake that I don’t go a day without ruing, because our son was absolutely miserable when he was at university and alcohol became his solace.He’s now very happy. When he was at uni, he befriended a group of artistic students and he would work on projects with them; he began learning and honing photography and cinematography skills on his own. He also built a network of people in the field – something that helped him tremendously post-rehab – when he began pursuing a new career.He now does photography for weddings and family shoots. He also shoots corporate videos, ads and is working on a debut, feature length documentary film. Of course I’m his mother, so I’ll be biased – but I have to say he is really fucking good at what he does! When I speak to him on the phone he says it’s an absolute privilege to do something he loves for a living. He says he is living his dream – something he thought impossible when he was drinking every day. I couldn’t be a prouder mother.I’ve been reading through posts on this subreddit and I gather that many here are parents of babies and very young children. I just want to say how important it is to support your babies as they grow and begin making their own way in life. Don’t make the same mistake I did. Love them, encourage them and always let them know they can come to you in their greatest time of need. Something that, unfortunately, my ex husband doesn't understand. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2Cpcv4T
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