Constantly in a bad mood towards my kids

I have a six year old son and a three year old son. My relationship with the oldest has always been a bit rocky. I had mild PPD after having him and I’m still worried we didn’t bond enough. My oldest isn’t anything like me or how I was as a kid. He doesn’t play. Not with toys at least. He just got a whole new bunch of toys for his birthday but I feel like if I gave them to charity behind his back he wouldn’t even notice. He loves arts and crafts though and makes the most beautiful drawings. He’s athletic and full of energy. And I mean full of energy. We just enrolled him in soccer. He’s very intelligent - reading at age 8 level and he taught himself how to. And he loves playing games on my iPad. He’s not allowed to play the iPad before five o’clock in the afternoon though because if he had his way he’d play it all day long.My youngest is like me. He can play with his cars for hours on end. He’s very into role play (I’m mommy tiger, he’s baby tiger etc) and he’s a master at entertaining himself. At daycare, when he needs some alone time, he’ll just sit in a corner and play by himself. He’s a fussy sleeper though.Anyway, both my boys talk all day long. To me, mostly. I swear if I had a Euro for every time they called “Mommy!” I’d be a multi-billionaire by now. They’ve developed this habit of calling me for every thing they want to say. Like they preface every sentence with “mommy”. It drives me nuts. My oldest will do anything to get my attention all day long. He’ll start these difficult conversations with me while driving on the highway. Don’t get me wrong, I love that he wants to know which part of the world has nighttime when we have daylight, but I also need to concentrate on driving. And to be honest, when we’re driving, I just want silence or some music on.I work four days as a secondary school teacher. I talk to and with kids all day long. I’m exhausted and need some peace and quiet when I get home. Fridays are my day off but I feel I’m sometimes even more tired on Friday night. The oldest has school in the morning, play dates, sports in the afternoon and then there’s the laundry etc. And then my kids try to keep me engaged in a conversation all. day. long.And so I yell and scream. I hate myself for it. Every tiny thing they do gets on my nerves, like my oldest’s constant feeble attempts at whistling. The high pitched noise literally hurts my ears. I’m already in such noise during my work day. I get annoyed at him still needing me to check to see if he’s wiped his bum completely (never, but at least he tries), for going at a snail’s pace when I need him to hurry in the mornings, for constantly talking to me, for being mean to his brother for no reason. For never really doing as he’s told, like when I have to tell him three or more times to go get his shoes on.And I’ve noticed that when I’m talking to other young mothers, I’m always the “negative” one. I’m the only one who definitely doesn’t want a third because I’d drown. I’m the only one who seems to consider parenthood exhausting and not always that rewarding.My husband is a wonderful father and my boys definitely prefer him over me, which really hurts me. I feel that everything I do, all day every day, is for my boys. And then they want their dad.Don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t live without my boys. But I need an outlet. I know I should start yoga or something but... who has the time?!Sorry, I just needed to rant. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2NWteO9