I don't really know where to begin...I have a 3 year old daughter (I'll call her JM) who is turning 4 later this year. Her mom and I divorced shortly after she was born. I met another recently divorced woman and our relationship was been nothing short of amazing. However there is a reoccurring problem... her 5 year old daughter (I'll call FM) always antagonizes my daughter to the point of making her cry. This has been a bit of a problem ever since I moved in.I have shared custody of my daughter. She primarily stays with her mom, but she is with me every other weekend and a day within the week. We have a modest apartment and because of this, my daughter and her daughter need to sleep in the same bedroom when she's with us for the weekend. It was around this time that I really noticed that something was going on...I have a wonderful relationship with FM for the most part and I make a point to be mindful of natural bias towards JM since she's my biological daughter.It started as teasing. FM would lock JM out of the shared room, not wanting to play with her and regularly scowling at her. I'm not always present when I hear JM's crying so I never really see how the trouble starts. I aim to always be fair and explain to JM that it's ok if FM doesn't want to play with her. We should just find something else to do. It usually works ok and everyone is able to get on with their day.However, things have taken a turn in the last week. FM has started to call her names... things like "dirty diaper" (JM doesn't wear diapers) or a "stupid banana". In turn JM will call her dumb or say to her that she's not her friend anymore. I'm not always 100% focused on their conversations so I can't always tell who started it. However, it's JM that's always crying about the exchange.My girlfriend and I were at the pool with our kids the other day. There is a little kids waterslide and FM was at the top of the slide with JM right behind her. As she is reaching the top of the little ladder, FM raises her foot as if she was about to kick her off the ladder. I may have overreacted, but I quickly and in a panic called out FM's name and told her not to do that which then prompted her to stop.The next thing happened the next day when we were loading the kids into the car. FM got into her car seat first (closest to the car door) and wouldn't let JM into the car. I calmly asked her not to do that and she dropped her legs to let JM pass. As JM is passing her, FM raises her leg in between JMs legs. It was apparent to me that FM was trying trip her as she was trying to get to her car seat. I calmly told her that what she was doing wasn't nice and that it wasn't the right thing to do. It was at this point that my girlfriend reprimand me for correcting her daughter, which happened in that moment in front of the girls.My girlfriend has insisted that this is just kid behavior and isn't a big deal. I'm not so sure about it but I've given her the benefit of the doubt. The tension between our daughters has been a huge sore spot in our relationship.She has been quite adamant about how it's probably not good for the kids to always play referee in their disputes and I certainly agree with her to a point. However, whenever JM says something to FM like, "you're not my friend anymore", FM tells her mom that JM hurt her feelings for saying that. My girlfriend proceeds to tell JM that it's not okay to say things like that. However if JM is crying about being called a dirty diaper, my girlfriend laughed and treats this as if it isn't a problem.Every time I feel compelled to talk about things I'm noticing, my opinions and feelings on the matter are often met with me being told that I'm overreacting, I'm being too sensitive or I'm creating unnecessary drama. In the past, I've entertained the idea that this could be a possibility to give my girlfriend the benefit of the doubt, but my gut is now telling me something different. I mean, isn't shaming me for how I feel about this quarreling between our daughters a form of bullying from her mom?Today FM got a new kite from her grandfather and had a lovely time with it. JM was very interested in the kite and wanted to try it out. FM would call her over to try it out and when she was within a couple of feet from her, she'd run away with the kite. JM was upset about being tricked and then she did it again, laughing the entire time. FM's grandfather witnessed the behavior and tried to tell her that she wasn't being nice, but his words went unheard and she just ran away. I scooped up JM and told her that everything is okay and that FM just wasn't being nice. I offered to read some of JMs favorite books to her instead which suited JM just fine.Incidents like these aren't isolated. FM tried to run JM down on her bicycle the other day. FM will show no interest in the swings or the trampoline unless she's within an earshot of JM telling me she wants to use them. Then FM will drop what she's doing to run to the swing or slide or whatever in order to get to it before JM can reach it. FM is 2 years older than JM is, so being faster is never a problem for her. Predictably she cries and if I mention it to my girlfriend, I'm told this is just kids being kids.JM is starting to get angry. 😣 She's resorting to pinching now and FM tells her mom which results in JM being corrected by being told pinching is never okay. An incident like that happened the other day which led to my girlfriend to say to me in another language that JM is acting like a butthole. Granted, JM didn't understand.... but I was really hurt that my girlfriend said that. In front of her no less.I'm at my wits end here. Is she right? Am I being a drama queen? Am I overreacting? Is this really kids being kids or is there more to this? I'm at my breaking point and I'm not sure what to do.Thanks for reading. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2hmczb3
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