I'm more of an attachment parent type, while my husband is more or less authoritative. I don't think either of us really understood how much we were not on the same page until we had our first, because there are a lot of things we did agree on when we talked pre-child.This has played out to the point that my husband doesn't want to have more children unless we get on the same page...meaning I do things his way.Here are the major issues we've had so far: (on mobile, please forgive any formatting issues)I started cosleeping with our child at 3 months. I didn't do this because I wanted to, I did it because I was so fucking tired and I had fallen asleep more than once while nursing the baby on the couch, which is so dangerous. Baby wouldn't (and still won't) take a bottle and I'm a SAHM, so I have all the night duties. Cosleeping was a godsend for me. I'm not overly tired anymore, I can function well during the day, and I'm not super grumpy anymore. The only problem is, our child refuses to sleep without me. He was kind of like this from birth (wouldn't nap unless held), but cosleeping at night made it worse. The only way I can see to break this is if I give up sleeping for weeks to get him to transition, the CIO method, or, my preference, wait until he's old enough to understand the idea of sleeping alone and phase him out then. The thought of giving up sleep makes me want to cry. I get that CIO works for some people, and that's great, but I literally cannot do it. It guts me to even think about it, I can't handle hearing that type of cry, and studies have linked it with possible increased risk of anxiety issues later in life. I know that at his age, this may not be the case, especially using the graduated method, but even the chance scares me and I would have mom guilt forever if he did end up having any kind of anxiety later on. Husband resents me over this and wanted to do CIO from the time our son was 1 month.I was an early childhood health and safety specialist before I had my son, and I'm an early childhood dietitian. My husband gets so frustrated when I tell him he can't do something that I know poses a risk to our child. No, he can't sleep on the couch with our infant. No, he can't give a baby a small ice chip, it's a choking hazard. No, he shouldn't be carrying a baby under 6mo around in the midday sun for an extended period of time with no sun protection. My husband says I "steal the joy" out of parenting for him when I protest his decisions like this, and he doesn't think any of it is a bad idea or dangerous.I tended to pick my son up and comfort him any time he cried for the first 4-6 months. After 6 months, I did it a little less. Now, if I'm washing dishes and son is fussing (and doesn't have an immediate need), he's got to wait until I'm done. I feel like I've taken a developmental approach to this...fostering attachment and feelings of safety for a small baby who doesn't know what's going on around them, to now letting up a bit as he gets older and more aware. My husband never liked this and thought I should let our son fuss a little before I pick him up so as not to coddle him. And he told me, just two weeks ago, that I should be letting our some cry more because it strengthens his vocal chords?? Wtf.These are our main issues so far. I have no idea what the future holds for the toddler years, but I'm guessing it will be me taking a softer approach than my husband and being raked over the coals for it.Any of you deal with parenting differences like this? I don't want to put my kid before my marriage to the point that it weakens our marriage, but I can't see much wiggle room for compromise right now given that most of the things we disagree on involve safety or me losing my precious, precious sleep. Any advice or perspective would be welcome. Also, I'm sorry you're only getting my point of view here.TL;DR - Husband and I disagree on things like cosleeping, infant safety, and when to respond to crying. Given the nature of our circumstance, I don't see how we can compromise or work through it, but it's hurting our marriage. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2vIpiuL
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