Struggling with the addition of my 11 year old daughter's stepmom.

My daughter's dad and I have been through a lot of ups and downs since the end of our romantic relationship (we were never married). Things got really bad when I met my now husband 3 years ago. My ex filed for custody and we've been engaged in a very bitter and painful custody battle ever since. We have recently been able to have a very good coparenting relationship and we've met a couple times for lunch and it kind of felt like we were actually becoming "friends," as well. Our willingness to get along was triggered by finding out our daughter was pulling her hair out. She has been pulling a LOT and has visible bald spots. She is in treatment for this disorder and has met with a therapist about it 3 times so far.My ex got married in September and I have no issue with that. In fact, I'm grateful that my daughter has the stepmom there for her at her dad's because she's starting to go through puberty. When I first met the stepmom, things were great. We were very friendly and talked more than my ex and I did. But that was before the custody battle started.Where I'm struggling is that she is constantly involved. I understand the importance of her role as a stepmom, but it seems like they think the two of them are her parents and I'm just along for the ride. The stepmom comes to every appointment. Orthodontist, dentist, the recent therapy sessions to treat the hair pulling.... We even have separate parent/teacher conferences because the two of them go to one and I go to the other. I think it should just be her dad and I at things like that.So, a more specific example of where I'm struggling involves one of the therapy sessions. Dad and stepmom were there and so was I. My daughter prefers to meet with the therapist alone, so the 3 of us sat in the waiting room. We started discussing how we feel my daughter should handle situations where other kids are teasing her and bugging her about her bald spots. Her dad and I do not have the same opinion. So, while we were discussing it, the stepmom jumps in and basically adds things to support her husband's point of view and tell me how I'm wrong. I get it....she agrees with him. Of course she does.When this happens, I end up feeling ganged up on and that my input just doesn't matter. When I've talked to my ex about it, he says, "she's just there to show her support and you shouldn't feel threatened by her." Maybe he's right. But I do feel a little threatened because it feels like they are trying to push me out and have stepmom take over. My husband is supportive, but I feel he respects the coparenting relationship we have. I really do want us all to have a happy relationship with the 4 of us raising my daughter together. But it's hard to do that when my only interaction with the stepmom is her belittling my opinion.I think it would help to have input from outsiders. How do I handle these situations without letting my pride/feelings get hurt? Do I just need to toughen up? Or are my feelings valid? via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2qNfSHz