Context: I'm her step-mom, been in her life since she was 4. She has never known her parents together, and she doesn't remember life without me. She lives with her mom and we get her in the summers. Her dad is a soldier, I'm a teacher. Her mom has gotten a steady job at a bank in the last couple of years, and is from a very wealthy family. Her parents had her in high school. I'm the only person her dad has ever dated that she met, and we've been married for 4 years and have a 1 year old together that she adores. Her mom is still dating, moved upwards of 7 men in and out of their house over the years. Mom has a 5 year old with one of them who she also adores. Mom is in a steady relationship with a guy we like a lot, and has gotten a lot more willing to appropriately coparent since then. She calls her moms boyfriends and my husband "dad," and both me and her mom "mom." If there's anything else pertinent I forgot just let me know.My bonus daughter has always been anxious. She's terrified of just about anything you can think of, from water (middle of the pool is too dangerous, even at 3 ft deep; she's almost 5 ft tall) to heights (her dad's shoulders are too high) to falling asleep (she'll turn on every light and every electronic and stay awake until 3 am). She gets scared quickly, and worries a whole lot about a lot of things.Recently this has developed into bed wetting, extreme stomach pain, and near-panic attacks. She has also begun to lose her empathy for other people, and started lying often, but only to me and her mom's live-in boyfriend (by admission). The water aversion has also gotten worse-- she's faking showers, and when she does get in, she won't get her face wet. She rarely gets emotional, just completely shuts down. Ignores questions asked of her, looks at the floor, stays silent until it "goes away." I have been asking for years for Willow to see a therapist for her many irrational fears, but my husband and her mom have patently ignored me. Yes, I'm aware I'm not her parent- I'm also the only one who works with troubled kids and sees how much good therapy can do. It kills me when parents refuse to help their own kids because they're embarrassed or don't want to believe anything is wrong.This culminated a few days ago in her lying to me about where she was going out to play, and her then going to a place she wasn't allowed. I couldn't find her, she scared us, she had to come home, she lost her electronics for the night. No yelling or corporal punishment, nothing like that. To me, she had no remorse, to her dad she cried and said she hasn't felt like herself for a few days. She went upstairs to her room and scratched her wrist with scissors. When we discovered it, she lied again, she cried, told us she's been thinking about it since she was at her moms house in May, and just didn't know how to get the feelings out.When we called her mom and let her know what happened and how we should all proceed together, she acted totally unsurprised, and went on to tell us that herself and about 3 generations of women on her side of the family have bipolar disorder, and my BD has been presenting with early signs of it for a few months now. We had no idea this was part of her medical history, but it explains a lot of her mom's erratic behavior. Her mom told us to look out for the fits of rage and to not let her alone with the baby (?!?!?). She says when she's around she can control my BD because she knows what to look for and she can stop it, but that we should just avoid her triggers.Her mom has kept things from us often over the years, and even inhibited communication between us on multiple occasions. But she's been very nice and very stable for about a year now, and we've worked together very effectively and happily, so this all came as a shock.We've been jumping through every hoop we can for years to do whatever we can for our girl. I'm so frustrated with both her mom and her dad right now because I love this little girl like she's mine and they have just ignored everything she really needs. If I found out this was happening with one of my students I would have bare minimum discussed it with a guidance counselor by now. So what can I do, Reddit? Does anyone have experience? Please help us. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2at6nay
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