Hi guys. I've never posted on here, it never occurred to me that Reddit has a parenting sub. But of course it does!I apologise if i am not following rules, or if my writing is all over the place. I'm really frazzled and my anxiety is through the roof today.I wonder if anyone can give me any advice on how to manage my 9 year old daughters behaviour and how to parent her better to help us both get through this.(Bit of background) I was a young mother, split from her father 4 years ago and never really had my own mother around so I have always felt like I am shit at this mothering stuff! I have a DS also who is 6.There are no medical problems, no diagnosed anythings - thank the Lord. Both are happily in full time education and are thriving both physically and academically.So on to the current situation. My daughter is known by her teachers for being a happy, hardworking and kind student. She has a lot of empathy for others, she loves to help others, follows all the rules at school, is a great student. Loves learning, etc.My friends know her as a lovely mannered girl who always seems 'so sweet and kind' (My eyes are rolling hard)My family and her father pretty much see her in the same light as everyone else. She is a really lovely young lady.But to me, away from the view of other people. She can behave disgustingly. I feel bad writing this but I am so absolutely sick of it that I have to.She has no respect for me or our house. She has explosive tantrums around 10 times a day over very minor things. She screams and wails over the smallest thing or when the whole day doesn't revolve around her. She slams doors, she argues with me and speaks to me like I am a child. She doesn't like the word NO, she will run off screaming and stamping around the house for very minor issues. She is horrible to her little brother most of the time. She hurts him physically and speaks to him really horribly, she insults him and manipulates him to get what she wants. She takes my things without asking (and without me knowing) and ruins stuff of mine or loses things of mine and really doesn't care when it upsets me. She sometimes actually shouts at me when she is being told off and it floors me that we have gotten to this point. She creates mess and dirt in the house constantly and has screaming tantrums when she has to pick it up. She steals food and will eat something she knows that is for someone else (when she has has her share etc.) She has no boundaries or self control and I don't know how to fix it.I could fucking honestly type all damn day long. I could go ON AND ON AND FUCKING ON.NOBODY else knows this side of her. It's literally, only for me. Nobody sees this and she is so lovely for the rest of the world. I am absolutely at my wits END.I have struggled to raise my beautiful children single handedly for so long and I am fucking exhausted. Every now and then I am in so much despair and hurting so much (and pushed to breaking point) that I want to give her away. I could just fucking walk out of the door barefoot when I'm crying at midnight by myself and not come back.I know that's shocking and I have never told anyone that and it's difficult to even type that out. But some nights I sit in despair and NEED it to stop so badly that my mind starts going crazy.My mother was abusive to me, the little that she was around and my father was very absent. I don't know how to deal with my daughter so that she calms this all down. I do punish her, but she doesn't care. She doesn't stop the constant drama in the house. I remove privileges, I have long talks with her, I cancel things she wants to attend. As punishments. But this isn't stopping. Most days I cringe inside when she approaches me because it's like she is a landmine ready to blow at all times.I am so very desperate!! If you're still here reading this then thankyou, please offer me any words of advice.SincerelyOne extremely fucking mentally frazzled mama. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2P7hHM8
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