For sake of ease, I will call my daughter Lila, my son Thomas, and my daughter-in-law Sarah.My family was pretty close until Thomas met and married Sarah about 6 years ago now. Sarah and Lila never clicked, and Sarah is very controlling of Thomas and snide to Lila. Thomas is very "whipped" by Sarah - she says "jump", Thomas says "how high". He lets Sarah make all the decisions and never once called her out when she was being rude or unfair to Lila. But Lila is not faultless. It is a tricky one to say who the most wrong - Sarah was always the one who started it with snide comments, but Lila would bite back 4 times worse. That has always been Lila - at school or whatever, she never started the fire, but she knew exactly what comment to reply with that was the equivalent of throwing 10 cans of gasoline onto them. I don't think Lila is jealous of Sarah herself - Lila is better educated, better looking, well traveled, more successful. I think Lila is mostly angry at the way her brother has never considered her feelings and let Sarah "get away" with coming into the family and "calling the shots" and "being rude to me".Thomas and Sarah have always seemed to live in a way that doesn't add up the money they should have - Thomas works a trade, Sarah has never worked, and they have a 18 month old son. I also think that is something that annoys Lila - she has a job and works, but Sarah has always never worked and lived off Thomas.After a fight in February (one that Sarah started and Lila bit back to), Lila was told she could not see her nephew again which really upset Lila and she ended up quite depressed for a while and even went to a therapist - she may not have liked Thomas and Sarah but she loved her nephew. Thomas just said "what Sarah says goes" which infuriated Lila.A few weeks later, Thomas starts getting investigated for Tax Fraud. He is going to jail for 4 years - for the last 8 years, Thomas has been doing half of his work cash in hand to avoid paying tax and been making false tax claims and this means they were getting much more family benefits than entitled to. Sarah is also 2 months pregnant.He suspected Lila and is furious because "family doesn't do that".For a few weeks, Lila just shrugged when asked about it. But last night, Lila admitted to my husband she is the one who turned him in and made the report. My husband asked her why and Lila gave these reasons:She wanted revenge on Thomas and Sarah for "all the pain they put me through".She was sick of "watching Sarah sit on her ass and get everything handed to her on a silver platter while I go to work full time and don't have half of what she does"."I don't like paying taxes, but I have to do it, why should Thomas get out of it? They had that baby in a public hospital they benefit from taxes they could pay them".It turns out Lila knew about it because he told her about it before Sarah came along - back when Thomas and Lila were good friends.While the revenge I think is petty and the second one is a little bit jealousy, I do understand where she is coming from with the third point. No one likes paying taxes.I don't know how to handle the fact my daughter is responsible for putting my son in jail - my grandson's father is going to jail because of what Lila did. My grandchild will be born while a father is in prison because of what Lila did. Lila loves her nephew but has done this to him? And even if she hates Sarah, how is it fair to make her a single mother in revenge?I am actually devastated and don't know how to handle it.My husband said he will not be confirming her brother's suspicions and that he has no problem with what Lila did. But while he will never admit it, I have long suspected that Lila is his favorite child, especially since Sarah came along. He has always seemed to have a soft spot for Lila that didn't exist for Thomas.TLDR: My son was not paying taxes correctly and my daughter tipped him off as revenge because she hates his wife who banned her from seeing her nephew. Devastated and not sure how to cope with knowing this happened in my family. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2Oeewln
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