Is it too late to be a mother?

I was raped by my step dad and made to give birth when I was 12. I was forced to pretend I was her big sister and I was a shitty "sister" I was an embarrassment and I let my life fall apart. I let my trauma influence me and up until the big secret came out she and I bickered and fought constantly it was easier to just go along with the lie because then I could pretend, I could pretend that the lie was real and the truth was just a nightmare.Like me when I was her age she has a promising future but like me when I was her age she's letting this secret (which has now been exposed) destroy her. I'm not good at this parenting thing okay truth is this is my first attempt at even trying to be a mother to her but she's wrecking herself and I look at her and I see myself and she is 18 and an adult I understand that. I also get that I've been less then a positive influence on her.She moved in with me out of the blue (couldn't stand living with her grandma and dad) and is crashing on my couch and I get that her life's falling apart and understand that I just don't know how to keep her from following the same destructive path I've been following. I have in the last few days have had to stop her from drinking and she's under the drinking age. I have also been getting on her about going to college and pressuring her to go to a local community college but it's like making someone live who doesn't want to be alive.In this last week alone I've been pulling her off a self destructive path and part of me feels like I have no right to when all I've done is ruin my life the same way she's trying to ruin hers at the same time I feel obligated to keep her from destroying herself. At the same time I here this voice in my head (not a real voice) telling me that I gave up the right to be a mother to her and it's too late now. I have failed her many times over but I just don't want her to end up broken and alone like me.I think the hardest part for her is the realization that she's self destructing just like I do. For all the times she and I have fought what has often stunned and terrified me is that she's so much more like me than she'd ever admit and I wish so badly I had been older when I gave birth. So I could have at least had a shot at raising her I mean yeah I'm not exactly a prize but at least then she wouldn't be going through this.I was literally just a kid when I did and giving birth not only was traumatic but it nearly killed me. I wish so badly I had been older because at least then I could have done something but I can't change the past and I'm afraid I'm watching history repeat itself.She needs a real mother and I'm afraid I have no right to be that for her. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2LtGMyo