Hi there, I'm Josh - a bit of context first. Since the age of eighteen I have struggled with depression and it has been a constant battle. I am here today to share my experience and perhaps get some advice.Last year was exceptionally difficult, making it incredibly hard to control my anxiety and depression. At the beginning of 2017, my partner and I received wonderful news that we were going to be parents! For those of you who have received baby news you will know the excitement we felt. We were so excited and could not keep our mouth shut so we told our families and friends. Finally! This was the first time in my life where I felt in control and that it was no longer about me, but our wonderful little baby. It gave me a real sense of purpose.The day soon arrived when my partner and I got to see our little baby for the 12-week-scan. We dressed up especially for our little baby, I wore a suit and my partner wore a lovely dress. As we apprehensively sat in the waiting room at the hospital amongst expectant parents, my partner and I discussed baby names. We were called into the radiography unit by a lovely nurse who then introduced us to the baby sonographer and finally we could see our baby. However, it was not good news. We were told that our lovely baby had a condition called encephalocele and would not survive childbirth. My partner and I were placed into the “grievance room” and a medical consultant gave us a detailed prognosis whilst tears fell down my partner’s face. I was completely numb. My partner and I were referred to St. Mary’s Hospital in Manchester for a second opinion because we were simply in denial and did not want to accept that we would lose our baby.Our fears were confirmed after our appointment in Manchester, so we decided that the best course of action was to accept a medical management procedure at our local hospital. Witnessing my partner give birth to our beloved baby is the most harrowing experience I have ever endured. I simply choke up thinking about it.After the medical management, I tried to remain strong for my partner as she was so brave and deserved somebody to reassure her everything would be OK. However, the experience triggered my depression and I simply did not want to be here any longer. All sense of purpose was removed the minute I learned that my partner and I would lose our baby. I simply could not cope. Upon reflection, I think how incredibly selfish I was for contemplating suicide when my partner needed me most. At the time I was not thinking rationally, but why would I? Our baby had been taken away and there was nothing that could be done to reverse the situation. Since losing our beautiful baby, my partner and I have grown much closer and since married.Here we are now, a year later and have a beautiful new born baby. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me, well, of course my wife too. Anyway, I feel I should be happy but I still continue to struggle with depression. I just don't get it, I have a wonderful wife and beautiful healthy baby, a great well-paid job and I am still not happy. I just can't get happy. I look at my son in the eye and see his beautiful smile and I choke up nearly in tears every time. I've been to my doctor for some guidance and was offered some medication. I am just wondering if someone can offer some guidance or perhaps share how they dealt with their depression? I have an open mind. I want to be clear that I am not suicidal but I just cannot get happy. Each day I wake up and I just feel like I'm existing. The feeling of emptyness is the worst emotion I've had to contend with. via /r/Parenting https://ift.tt/2LXI09C
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