[HELP] Struggling with first born after second arrived

Help /r/Parenting - I'm really at my wits end here and I need some help. Our second little boy arrived a few weeks ago (December 5th) and has, as expected, shaken up our lives.Our first born (Paul) loves his little brother, I have zero concerns about the relationship between the two of them but I feel the greater family relationship is falling apart and I don't know what to do about it.At the minute we're following midwife/health visitor advice and keeping our new-born (John) in a Moses basket next to us when sleeping...well we're trying anyway. John is a pain to get to sleep when he's not held, he'll occasionally nap for an hour or two in his basket during the day, but night time after the first week has been an entirely different kettle of fish.At night all he wants to do is rout on mum for milk, even if he's as full as can be he wants to rout. If eventually mum can get him to sleep transferring him to his Moses basket is proving an impossibility as as soon as he hits the mattress he starts wriggling and squirming. This is the same basket he naps in during the day so it's not a case of bedding being different or anything, but he physically manages to wake himself up in it at night even if he was out for the count.This has left us in the position where we're stuck co sleeping. While this works (to some extent or other) we both feel guilty about it due to the increased SIDS risk meaning neither of us is sleeping properly, but hey - sleep is sleep right?The problem comes about the next day. We're tired and irritable, and we have a true Three-nager on our hands, we don't manage patience well and he gets snapped at more than he should. Between the typical strops of the age and pushing boundaries I feel like I spend more time telling poor Paul off than I honestly want. I find myself getting frustrated and angry and having to really struggle to keep my temper in order. I feel like all I'm seeing is my little boy cry all day from getting in trouble for things he'd have probably not before John arrived and it's honestly breaking my heart. I'm doing what I can to stay calm and keep it together for his sake but we're both struggling as parents with him and have no idea what else to do at this stage.Ultimately I'm terrified we've ruined Paul's life at the minute and I just don't know what to do about it. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2Cqtgv6