"You CAN be different."

Hello Parents,I want to share with you something my 5 year old son said to me today. First I'd like to provide a little background. I was raised in an authoritarian household and was whipped with a belt for misbehaving as a child. When I became a parent, I knew I did not want to use corporal punishment with my own children. However, I realized pretty early on that I had problems with patience, controlling my temper, and knowing how to handle situations without resorting to violence. I'm sure some of you can relate to this. I guess I was never really taught any other way to handle things.Over my son's 5 years of life I have learned a LOT about myself and have persistently tried to be better. I've had to practice at being patient, controlling my reactions of anger, and not lashing out at him. I have messed up so many times along the way, apologized to him, put myself back together, and kept working towards being better. I feel like I've come a long way.Despite everything I've put into being a better parent and learning to control my responses, there is still that part of me that lashes out when pushed far enough. It's a part of me that I hate, and I've always been afraid I will never completely escape it.I was trying to do something with my son today, and I was having a very difficult time keeping his focus. He has problems with attention. I kept redirecting, helping him still his body, and he just kept getting distracted. He kept fiddling with everything within a 5 foot radius. I eventually lost my cool and smacked him on his hand.I kind of lost it after that. Just broke down crying. I felt so worthless. Here I am trying to teach him something and encourage him, and instead I hurt him. I apologized to him, I told him what I did is NOT right, and he doesn't deserve it. I told him I am working so hard to be more patient, and that I wish I could just be different.You know what he said?"You CAN be different."Just... so matter of fact. He said it in an encouraging way. It's such an obvious, simple statement, but it had a huge impact on me.I CAN be different. I think I've always wanted to be different, but I don't think I've ever truly believed it was possible. I resigned to struggle with this for the rest of my life. My entire viewpoint of myself and my ability to change has been negative and void of faith.My son believes in me. He believes I can be different. Knowing that has given me more hope, positivity, and belief in myself than I have ever had. I think BELIEVING I can be different has been the missing piece all along.I don't know if I can truly convey the gravity of that statement as I perceived it. This felt like a paradigm shift for me. via /r/Parenting http://ift.tt/2IJXvh1